After rigorous testing resulting in only a few mild injuries, two rather serious burns but only one death, Gabriella Kholdyourbreathova herself, the fine upstanding member of the all women’s PiNKS (пішов на хуй сам) southern division hurling club and well known for her long distance hurls, connected with the multinational ride in front of great applause at a secret but well-known testing center where the summer nights are so sweet you never want to go inside again.
Her first few attempts weren’t worth a shit and then she kind of got angry and started yelling at her former, or one of her former boyfriends right in front of her current boyfriend and this got the men into a titanic tussle. With the energy just right, she connected on the drive you see above. Jesus Christ. Would you just look at that go.
Apparently no one was hurt by the slioter’s arrival but there was a rather telling incident in Galway proper. It seems that when the ball came down, it not only managed to break one car window, but pretty much all the car windows in the area and well as deflating quite a few tires. That was one magic hurl.
The backstory for this miraculous moment was written previously and starts out like this.
In the well-known but highly overrated country formerly known by a former name, well educated and reasonably skilled scientists have finally solved the Hurley conundrum. How can you fall in love with something that you know is going to break?
Using technology that has long been well known in the region, our benevolent and well-meaning scientists simply took what was already matter of fact baseball lightsaber technology and made it sort of flatter and easier. I mean, they would say, if all you wanted was a canoe paddle…
Using crystals found only ironically enough on the emerald Island, Craftsman with great attention to detail formulated that if they just did some fucking thing, they could manipulate the light from the saber to a bit of a cup. It’s this cup that makes this particular lightsaber so multifunctional and therefore quite pleasing and not just for that little hoo ha on the knob.
And yes, every Bellion knows that it’s all about the hoo ha on the knob. No one will ever be more cultured than Belliya.
Editor’s not: it was at this moment that they realized they had fucked up. It’s not grammar, you knuckleheads. The name of the country is balaya. No not that you idiot. That means people who play. Jesus, don’t you even speak Russian? Fine. I’ll do it myself. Belliya. The greatest name of someplace that ever was or ever will be. And we are proud to be belons. Fuck! Google hates us. Bellions. Fuck. That sounds like we’re talking about a big belly. And if I put a hyphen there, You know to bring out the Lions part, Bell Lions, that would be the pronunciation. But if I put an apostrophe (‘ One of these fuckers if you didn’t know), She turns into a bell liar so I think we’re back stuck in the swamp again boys. все одно, всі і знають нам Белахуенний. If you live in Belliya you are a Bellion.
Thus, with never-ending diligence and a perseverance to get to the truth no matter how deep the muck and Meyer of the Empire, Bellions believe in doing it yourself and think you should too.
А якщо це щось тебе, що у нас є щось хороше і у тебе є гівно, ще раз на хуй пішов.
It seems upon investigation that it was misery itself that had caused the original shape to turn in on itself rather introspectively. Thus was born the impetus for golf, tennis or good relations with the landlord. Because if it’s a matter of who is chasing who, there was never such a game as Hurley ever nor will ever there be.
And thus we found the test shot to be satisfactory to go into full production. It’s not about the hurling, it’s the hurler that counts. Sure, we play the ball but we also play the people. Dramatic to look at, isn’t it?
Editor’s note: For those of you who have broken down a trip to Ireland to its economic level to find out how much money you can take from the Utopian, as in, oh, if he can pay for that, he can give me that much, you’re fucked. First of all, it ain’t my money that’s going to be doing it. And second of all, you are the reason we have to use the fucking Hurley in the first place.
For the Utopian, Clydesdala Thundercrack reporting.
