It seems the words of a fellow who happened to be too damn quick and snapped up a property that had hair to for been unknown as even being for sale to her creepy as fuck neighbors. Thus our Challenger appeared and thus we are here today for this last little bit of theater of the week at least. Shall we be here next week? Such is the question.
It seems that there was a second person who, in the chorus of a dialogue with our hero, decided to try this I want to talk to the plants business. He had previously never thought of it before. What if I stop talking to people and start talking to plants instead? What would happen to my world if I stopped talking to people but didn’t stop talking or even started talking because they agreed to talk with the plants instead of those fucking people.
Thus was the problem because you know these sorts of things become hot spots very quickly. Did someone agree with our hero? Was G once again in the news? Were we once again opening a new front in our assault against the Empire and all the damage that they do? Was he again out of the forest? By God, was he alive or dead? These questions certainly sounded like they were coming from G. But as of the moment, all we can do is believe.
The Empire was on them with the reflexes of a full-grown cat. I’m not talking about a teenage cat on her first legs who doesn’t even really know about chasing balls yet but somehow managed to find this full-on bull who can’t just show up for a ball chasing session for Christ’s sake. Fucking Russians. But you know, our theoretical Jewish cat who performs the most amazing feats of acrobatics to thrill us maybe three or four times a year. But at what times? How many people were at the table? How off the rails really was this particular class? And look, there is Tai Lung climbing up the drapes to the very top of the rod and standing there saying, what, me worry?
What do you mean you are hiding diamonds? This is what we were told. Where are the diamonds? Give them to us or die, the both of you.
Insert dialogue here where the two of them speak other gibberish to each other trying to describe that these two fucking bedninki idiots.
Anyway, yada yada yada They get out of it because it’s only a show anyway and thus we are back to the original question.
Yes, if we’re not going to talk to each other for a year, what are the last words we want to say to each other?
Why did I need this?
At least we won’t have to wash before going in and out of our houses.
I think I’ve got this licked with water soda and vinegar of the highest order.
The best toilet paper has no smell and hurts a little bit. It means it goes back to the land the quickest. Let feminine shit is shit.
Ping pong paddles are the end of the world. You can do everything with ping pong paddles. You can play any sport with ping pong balls and ping pong paddles. And if it’s hot, you can use your ping pong paddle to make a fan. You can also use the ping pong paddles to fan fires. And if you’re a fan and you have a bang bang play, in a world without umpires, everyone can raise their ping pong paddle and show the light color or the dark color and we don’t need replay anymore. It also works for strikes and balls and whether they like and argument or not continuing.
You can use them for sex too.
Noted. I think it is possible to bring this place back and not really so much work. Do you think we could dig trenches between us?
With or without talking to each other?
Are you going to eat meat?
No no. I would never touch it. It would be the last thing I would do in my life. Why do you ask me? Wait. I understand this. Something I don’t see. Because I don’t eat meat it means I’m a bean. Of course we talk to each other because all plants talk to each other. Baruch hashem. Good game.
Cheers. Just yell right?
It is what I live for. This and God.
Agreed.
And you?
Me? I think I will try to be me without opposition and see what that feels like. These boxes of mine know that I can have my way with them. They cower before me. I can hit them with golf balls or with cat balls whenever I feel like. I can even aim at them and try to drop one right in their face. Hi-yah! The taxi’s here bitch. Eat this and live. Sure, I play with poison. Who wouldn’t in this toxic world. But yeah, if it really is just you and me I think we got this licked and I don’t know what else we need to say.
Amen brother. Amen.
Non-sequential update
When I was a boy my father and I joined something called the Indian guides. This was in California. We were new to California and so we were trying to be very good citizens. We purchased season tickets to the 49ers, kind of ignored baseball for golf and spent some time learning to ride a horse at something called a dude ranch. This is where city people go to sit on horses. I never got the hang of it. But another thing was that we had Indian guides. This was like the boy scouts but kind of not. I think I learned leather work or how to screw up leather. We made some crafts and sat next to the fire. And we had special names. My father was bald eagle and I was little eagle. At the time it was kind of a joke because my father was bald and didn’t really care or wear a hat except when playing golf. Even then he didn’t care about hats. But now I think that he really was bald eagle because he was the quintessential American. He represented American interests in the oil business and was all in. He could have a wife and a house and the son and go to Indian guides as long as he kept selling cars. I guess I was little eagle because I was never going to join the Empire. And maybe this was the real lesson my father taught me. He told me if you suck one cock, you are labeled for life. I thought that was pretty fucking good wisdom especially for an eagle.
Mild update: it’s 8:39 p.m. and my neighbors are cooking meat.
Here’s an even better update. Let’s call this one pancakes with Alanis Morissette
And if the doppelganger is not enough, I found a present on wild berries for all of my female friends. And it comes, so to speak, in a five pack which I’m sure means something. Oops, sorry. Just a six pack. Never on Shabbos.
Interstage left John Lennon
The following is performed using the very very clear spoken cadence that Lenin used when speaking to the press about his true beliefs. It must be recognized that the man was very quick. So quick. He was like lightning. He could figure out the angle to anything he looked at and figure it out so beautifully that even Paul had no idea what to do but make it beautiful somehow. But this was Paul rubbing off on John and now John was justifying himself to the media that it was all about fighting the Russians with love and if they didn’t understand it, they were just stupid.
I guess the question is if I’m Jewish. I probably am. We’re not bloody far from Manchester. We’re not bloody far from anywhere. We’ve been created by sailors coming on board so to speak and fucking our women and thus we become we and we are burdened with the mines and the civility. Feminized construction workers. And who are we? And how was I lucky enough not to be burdened with a dad?
And so is women I idolized. How could I not? Are you joking? Give us some food love. And what will you be having? I fancy a bit of fish and chips but I haven’t got enough money to go to the shop. Oh, do you think I don’t know how to fry a bit of halibut? You have a seat right there and you tell me your best idea for a song and I will make you something wonderful. Well that’s it. I’m in love. And why should I ever quit this job?
Will it seems I had two mothers. I must have been more than one of them could handle. I was getting a little feisty in my youth. It seems I wanted to put my dick somewhere but I didn’t quite understand where I should put it. I understood the basic concept. If you get in the good graces of the women, you could get them to lie back and let little tiddlywacker do what he did. It was understood that we didn’t want too many little ones. That thought was made clear by the women who put food on my plate. We didn’t really want to fill the world with children we didn’t want to see ever again. We weren’t those bastards at least.
But it seems that the road of tears, the end of the garden, often has chance meetings. And this is when I met Paul and all me other pretty boy musician friends. I was good at collecting men. That was another trick of my feminine education. I was excellent at collecting men and making them understand that our bands will be tight. At the very least, I have to say thank you for my existence on the planet to someone. I might as well do something to make them really dance.
But we have to format these things. You can’t just groove. We don’t live in Africa. We’re not talking only to the club. We figured that out fast enough. We figured we would practice until we could play anything we wanted to. We made this image you see. We were these for musicians called a band. We had a band you see. This was our band. And there were other bands as well and we thought them for superiority. We did. It’s true. We went straight to fucking Germany and said listen to this shite. When we could see that we could make the fucking krauts dance, That’s when we knew we were ready to do some recording.
And so we found us this Jew genius and that was the end of the world If you didn’t fuck it up again. We really had it going there. That’s the thing that really bothers me the most about being dead so quickly. We really had something. And we understood that the pressure would never end. We understood that just because if he didn’t live in England who was demanding like 90% of our money, whatever money we ever earn just kept going away from us, it was like flies that would never stop buzzing around us. It was also hostile. It was heebie-jeebies like you’ve never understood. It was like we played for the Russians and then the Russians listened and this is what we got through the grapevine. La de da ladida.
I think it was the gasoline. We were speaking about a really simple thing. When you were a young man you really want to get your dick in a girl. And if you could just make the girl understand that just allowing you to put your dick in her would be not a bad thing in the world would be okay, it seems that this meant opening your legs to people you shouldn’t have opened the legs to. And suddenly we were right back in Liverpool. How the fuck did we manage to do that? And that was the thing that had us most vexed.
So I lived in a bunker with me wife and we had some children and we lived in an American exclusive apartment building and it seemed that the only pressure was from the tax department but we actually had enough money that that didn’t really bother us much. It seemed we had it licked. We were living in New York and we could even go walking in Central Park without so much particular security just a request that people stay far enough back to allow us to film a little bit of John Lennon performing for an audience that the camera doesn’t see. I’m not saying that we didn’t buy the park. I’m just saying that they let us buy the park because it suited both of our needs. You could live in New York even if you were John Lennon and you would be okay. A nice fuck you to the English and the Europeans generally. And how is it not stupid not to do this? Think about that. If New York thinks I’m their friend and I certainly can’t for any reason think why I’m not their friend, why should I worry about a thing?
And it’s true. Paul always wanted to get back together and do something. Just play some music and put it on tape. For some reason these demos that he kept sending me, little fragments of music that I might think something belong to. He never actually said the words that maybe we just keep some demos of us playing each other songs. So that’s what happened. Paul could just put together chords and make them sing. Simple stuff. Bach paid this forward. He said that these cadences meant something and Paul said okay, let’s learn the cadences. And me? I just like to fuck with him. I just like to twist it. Twist it till they shout, that’s me.
So that is the story. You’ve heard it a million times. I don’t know why I have to tell it so many times. I don’t know why I’m still telling it now that I’m bloody dead. And let me tell you something. That fucking hurt. I know I left the world and the pain went away. All the pain went away and that’s the truth. I really stopped feeling pain when you killed me so that was a plus. But the actual thing of a bullet going into your body really fucking hurts. And I’m not really happy about that and I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive anybody for putting a bullet into my body. I’m sorry really if I made some music that made you dance a bit and then made you think a bit and then maybe stepped on some fucking toes. I’m sorry if we got political and we asked people to stop killing each other and maybe start being nice to the world. Maybe someone thought that love was all we needed. I’m sorry if I said peace is the way to go and maybe I’ll just stay the fucking bed on Saturday and not really do much of anything but kiss me wife and make up songs and maybe some friends drop by like you for example and we’ll sing a fucking song of peace and then you can just tear me up and destroy me and ask me why I’m doing what I’m doing. And then you can have everything you want. It’s pure pornography. You’ve seen me naked and you’ve seen me dick and this is me woman so there you go put two and two together and we already gave you what it looked like several times. So I don’t know what more we can give you. Can you just maybe leave us alone for a little while and let us take a breath of fresh air even in the middle of fucking Manhattan? Because that’s all anyone has ever been asking for from the moment I hope in my eyes and fucking Liverpool and saw what the fuck shit piss I was living in. And then you tell me that there is panacea in a very protected and exclusive apartment that just happens to overlook the fucking park. And I believed you and everyone thought it was just fine having John fucking Lennon living in New York. It did really make people happy. And then you went and fucking shot me. Bravo. Bravo. That’s all anyone needed was for this show to end because there weren’t no star to make people happy anymore.
