The relentlessly brave and remarkably overworked staff of the Utopian! has once again burst through the gates of the hollowed halls of the Empire itself to attend press conferences where questions and answers would be available. Let no one question the integrity of the Utopian! for it is us, all of us, who give us the strength to keep this going. We do this for ourselves and they can smell us when we are coming.
Editor’s note: regarding the picture, we at the Utopian simply cannot get enough of Utopian art so here are six more views that are as worthy of thought as they were of concept and the effort to create them.
Yes. It is completely possible to bring the cost of solar panels to such a reasonable level that they could indeed simply be used as shade panels. The simplest wood construction is enough to give yourself a little shaded area that just happens to be collecting all of the summer sunshine. Indeed, without any competition standing in the way, a mass-produced, low maintenance, incredibly resilient and long-lasting and even potentially rechargeable and therefore not particularly necessarily recyclable solar panel of a standard size could be coupled together with enough friends to basically cover all of the electrical needs of basically the surrounding area even though you would only be shading say 1% of it. And yes, it is possible to have these things in non reflective materials that seem really like normal cladding materials so without really worrying too much about the percentage gathered, it is possible to clad your home in energy gathering material as well.
As of the problem of energy storage, it seems that it is quite easy to put together a small storage unit that can be as long as 8 or 10 or 20 discharges of the necessity of a small electronic gadget such as a telephone. If this is true and we scale our own electrical usage by using things like LED lighting instead of light bulbs and working out the deals so that LED lights really lasted and were infinitely renewable that we’re not really worried about it anymore. It seems all the rage to have passive catch and release of energy. As the sun comes up in the morning, the energy is gathered and lightly stored and then simply released as necessary to add a few more hours of daylight and warmth.
Community greenhouses are the norm as per plan and no community could ever possibly be without a place to be with nature and have some greens available to them everyday of the year. It would be savage and cruel to imagine going back to a time we’re having fresh greens around the calendar would not be available. All political leaders from the North smiled and shook their heads happily at this news. I think a few of them said thank you out loud.
But again complained our citizens from the north. And how shall we work when they’re truly is no sunshine?
There was two answers that were most resonant. They were both about passive accumulation of electricity through movement. The most energetic of this would be a turbine placed within a netting to prevent birds from accidentally hitting the propellers. In places like Belarus for example where there is a constant 16 km an hour wind, it is possible to set up an almost silent turban to collect enough energy year-round to not particularly need long-term battery problems that might lead to ecological damage. If Northern houses were also very well built with efficient wood stoves that carried wood-based warmth all around the house and even medicinal plastic garbage was used as insulation in the walls, with non-ignitable insulation around electrical connections, one could hardly argue that winter would be difficult. Of course the plastic walls would make summer miserable so most of those plastics that would have made insulation can be used as the base of perpetual roads for bicycles. A combination of polymers mixed in with trash we are now trying to get rid of with great desperation, and we have these places where we can ride our bicycles through nature that nature could never touch even if it tried. And of course we have a little electric strip of metal that can carry you along if you get tired.
The breakthrough thought came from one small child. It seems that rather intelligent and quiet parents often raised rather intelligent and quiet children. And because their house was universally democratic to all living things, this young boy never knew a moment of fear in his life. He raised his hand and without any surprise was recognized by the conference. He was asked what he had to say. So the boy stood up and asked if it was true that almost any movement could be used to generate electricity. He said that he had seen a film that said either turbans or even simply movement of the waves can generate electricity. Everyone at the conference who knew anything about this agreed that this was true but that unfortunately, it was a very inefficient way. It would be like trying to power a modern house through a bicycle generator. You simply weren’t even close. At best you might be able to keep your phone alive but this is a very small amount of electricity.
And then the boy asked if the movement of a tree could be used to generate electricity. And all of the intelligent people looked at each other and decided that yes, basically any movement could generate electricity but it would be a very very small amount. It would be like pedaling your bicycle maybe once a second. It would generate almost no electricity at all.
But the boy asked if two trees were put in conjunction if this would allow to times the minimalist electrical output. And the scientists agreed that of course, if you had two trees working in conjunction this would be a ridiculously small amount of electricity but indeed it would be twice as much as the first one. Someone argued that there is no such thing as a perfect circuit so it would not be 2.0 of something it would be more like perhaps 1.675 or something like that. There was a murmur that everyone was catching on and then that murmur sort of kept going as people started speaking with each other. In fact the murmur just didn’t stop and they sort of forgot about the child. In fact everyone forgot the child was even there because the thought of simply running a wire or attaching a wire to the top of a tree when it was born would be like a climbing vine. The tree would not even notice it really except it would be harnessed for its energy for its entire existence.
And then people realized that this little thought was indeed the end of slavery. If they just allowed the trees to be harnessed for their energy instead of the people, the people would no longer be needed to generate electricity. Nor would gasoline. The Earth would give us everything we needed and we just used a little brains to help it out just a little bit. And then we could let industry stop because everyone would be okay. If we have enough electricity, we can have electric cars to do the heavy lifting and plenty of e-assist bicycles to make sure that everybody gets their groceries and medical needs taken care of. And of course, we own all the land so we can grow whatever we want because no one is ever going to fight with us. We might have some people who want to eat with us but we will make sure we know them first before they actually get to sit at the table. We don’t really like too much movement because we all get along so well. We really don’t want too many outsiders making trouble.
Reporting from the official conference you’ve been dreaming of your entire life, this is Gail Goodrich for the Utopian!
Editors note: during the creation of this article, Google was queried to give us a picture of absolute Utopia. And the following picture came back as the absolute number one return for this group of letters and whatever my location and algorithm believed was most important.
If you buy this shit, you are pus. You are nothing if you buy this. If you give these people money, you gain nothing and lose your fucking soul. Remember I said this – Ed.
The Utopian! takes no credit for someone creating a brand called absolute Utopia and that this would be the number one and basically only thing recognized by Google by my algorithm in this location. How this happened is anyone’s guess and there was no intention to advertise any brand name marijuana. The art department simply agreed that they liked it anyway just like it was because it might just be the most infuriating thing the Utopian! never did. Ciao, Bella.
Note from the legal department: It might be advisable to understand that if in fact the idea to brand a national or multinational form of marijuana as a consumable product intended to generate money, let it be known that if any thoughts came from reading any words on these pages and that this was the inspiration for the brand that would indeed become commercial, let it be known that you fucked up and you are now lifetime members of team Green and you pay your fucking dues, if you get my meaning you sons of bitches. May you dry up and die for selling marijuana.
