My fellow human beings it gives me unbelievable pleasure to even have a single person in this world believe that they would give up their rights for unlimited freedom so that I should be some kind of leader. Or even the leader. Precedence has been set. Menachem Began. Golda Maier. Colonel Gaddafi. Which future kingdom should be mine? Oh! The whole world?! Are you ready for the job, G? Do you think you can handle it?
You guys already know the answer and that’s the point. I just want everyone to think about a couple of things with me for just a moment and I think we’ll all be fine. Let’s just walk through this step by step so that is all we care about.
If you were me, what would I do? If you are following me, and I know you are already so fast with the answer because you’ve been practicing actually talking. And I think pretty soon you’re going to be like my students who were given the privilege to swear and use vulgarities because we really didn’t care about words. So they all said shit and fuck all the time and got off on it until, like any honeymoon, it got old and now they were more interested in a more precise form of language. So for all of you who are now snap crackle pop, I am loving it. I am. It’s a point of pride for a teacher more than any single thing you could pay for or physically do for me. Just to know that you learned a couple of things is excellent. It means there’s hope for the future that things will be better. Even today. Even right now.
And I have to say it even though it broke the whole mood that I said something else here. No one will ever be a better gardener than me. You have no prayer to challenge me as to who is a better gardener. I will take a piss in your garden before you could even find the bravery to set foot in my garden. I have brought trees back from death. You have no prayer of touching me as a gardener this year or next. We are talking da Vinci level attention. We are talking Aristotle. We are talking Henry Miller on a very good day. Baby girl, we rich and they poor. No one will ever be a better gardener than I am. And I am the guy who rode the bike with both hands in my pocket and just laughed at the rain and the traffic like it was all there for me to play with. And they hated me for that. Jealousy. Them bitches in New York, fagots and harlots. Every last goddamn one of them even the tough guys, except maybe Mike d and all the other dudes who were there with me and since and everywhere. Them is the bikers. Go with the flow boys. It ain’t the cars, it’s the space between them that matters.
This is for the bicycle riders. This is for the guys who do not drive cars. These are for the people who use their body to go from place to place even if it’s just for other people’s things. This is for the people who are the motor.
And one of them is the best gardener on the planet. Remember I said that and remember my name. You will never garden better than me. In your dreams, in your happiest dreams, you will never touch the bottom of the soles of my feet as a gardener.
Editor’s note. The following happened. It is hard to describe but sometimes you get the call. Sometimes something wants to be said. Everything here is true.
I’m getting to be such a whore
An interview or better yet just a conversation with Them.
Are you guys sure that you want to do this?
Okay. Because I think about these things and I always worry about putting some kind of content out there that maybe does wrong. I mean, how many of these assholes listen to me and think it means I’m running back to work it’s good they love me again? I mean how many of these people get the violent because they think my personal pejorative means we play act in this particular way and that’s the way to get your groove on? It’s ridiculous. Take it easy is so difficult to understand. Do it yourself with your own two hands is unbelievable to fathom. Don’t pollute? Oh, oh, oh I can’t get that one. I must be that jerk off from Belarus who ends up on film 37 times and still runs the motor. I’m that fucking stupid! So if we’re going to do this, we have to be really careful and precise with our language. And I am not bad as a linguist or a scribe, But in all reality, I don’t want to fuck this up. What do you think we should do about it?
Okay. That is probably what I would do. I’m sorry, I do get nervous. I do just want things to stop being brutal somewhere in my existence. You know, Mom, Jesus Christ. What can you say? I, even I would question your wisdom on that one. And I’ve had people say that it taught me to be tough but, Jesus, why? What was so fucking bad about giving me a sport to play and telling me it was my obligation to be good at it. Just tell me it is my obligation to be healthy and fit because healthy and fit men are better than lazy fat ridiculous men or easily addicted idiots or whatever the fuck we make. Why did you do that to me?
Okay. It was the fucking Europeans. Look, thank you for this enlightenment and everything. Let me just ask you, are you going to let me go? I mean, does this just stop or do I get to surf this thing for the rest of my life? Does the world ever become simply reasonable? Is there anywhere to go but just wait to die?
Thank you. I’m sorry. I really am sorry. I’m supposed to be professional about this. I’m sorry. I mean what would anybody do, right? Staring in the face of God and you don’t want to talk about yourself? Okay. Let’s be reasonable. Please, what should people do to make the world better?
Editor’s note. At this point it is necessary to make this augmentation because the medium we are using disallows the ability to show time passing by space. It is a part of the way they set up these blogs. Just let it be noted that the answer lasted 2 minutes and 7 seconds.
And what about internally? I’m talking both of souls, I suppose, but mostly I’m talking about damages to organs and going cold turkey and the world just changing. I’m not talking about moving and all the worries and hysteria that you say will not happen, and thank you, but what about how people feel? There is a lot of history and it’s really hard for people to adapt. I saw that first hand both ways. Pops came to see me once and I went to see him once and that was not reciprocation, that was about as much as we could take of each other. And we definitely parted as friends and knew that we were never going to lay eyes on each other again.
47 seconds
So you really think we’re going to make it? You really think it’s no problem. It’s just like this little garden of mine. It’ll just go. Three seasons. Three seasons. How many seasons does a person need before they are literally a pro? You really think it’s as easy as that.
Great. I’m loving it. Do you have anything else that you might want to say just extemporaneously?
You want me to write what you say? Just exactly as you say it… Okay, I’m sorry. As you were saying. I like judo very much. I like all martial arts. It’s very useful. I think it builds pride and pride is very good. Fruit is overrated. But it’s nice to have. Just a little fruit is okay. I don’t really admire this thing that you do with the motors. I don’t know why you do this to your home. Why would anyone do this to their home? What animal does it? But I like sport. Sport is good. But I really like theater. Oh boy, I really like theater. I like good theater. I like theater with good intentions. I don’t like Christian Theater. I’m a little tired of Shakespeare. I’m actually not a fan of Shakespeare. You get the gist. He played with whores. I don’t really like whores. I don’t like whores because they make fagots of men and I prefer men to be men and not fagots. I like good women very much. I love beautiful women so much. Why can’t men and women just get along? I think the answer is the women should stop being whores. If the women would stop being whores, men would become men. And if you are a man who makes whores because you are too lazy to be a man, you should leave the planet. In fact all of the people who vote for death every day should leave this planet because that would be justice. If you are near a weapon that you have acquired you should die. If you use any apparatus that pollutes the air and the land and the water that you need to live, you should be burned to Ash. How much vengeance should be played out on thy heads?
Okay and now I should talk. Okay. Take a breath. I get it. Believe me I get it. If you hang around here long enough this is what happens to you. They just do this. I’m sorry. I thought I could do more to help but they just destroyed me instead. I’m sorry. I really wanted to help. I felt I was needed and that I could help. I really thought I was doing the really right thing for an outsider to do right from the gate. I really thought I was citizen number one right out of the gate that I should maybe be someone that they should take into their hearts and maybe we would just go great. And maybe in a different world in a different place it would have been just like that but they didn’t and nobody did anything and nobody ever does anything but drugs and I know this and you know this because you are the birch tree, aren’t you?
I amuse you. I get it. I’m as stupid as everyone else when I’m talking to you. I get it. Thank you. Truly. Thank you for everything.
So there you go. I hope that was worth waiting for. Cheers.
