From Chabad.org: Haazinu in a Nutshell
Deuteronomy 32:1–52
The name of the Parshah, “Haazinu,” means “Listen” and it is found in Deuteronomy 32:1.
The greater part of the Torah reading of Haazinu (“Listen In”) consists of a 70-line “song” delivered by Moses to the people of Israel on the last day of his earthly life.
Calling heaven and earth as witnesses, Moses exhorts the people, “Remember the days of old / Consider the years of many generations / Ask your father, and he will recount it to you / Your elders, and they will tell you” how G‑d “found them in a desert land,” made them a people, chose them as His own, and bequeathed them a bountiful land. The song also warns against the pitfalls of plenty—“Yeshurun grew fat and kicked / You have grown fat, thick and rotund / He forsook G‑d who made him / And spurned the Rock of his salvation”—and the terrible calamities that would result, which Moses describes as G‑d “hiding His face.” Yet in the end, he promises, G‑d will avenge the blood of His servants, and be reconciled with His people and land.
The Parshah concludes with G‑d’s instruction to Moses to ascend the summit of Mount Nebo, from which he will behold the Promised Land before dying on the mountain. “For you shall see the land opposite you; but you shall not go there, into the land which I give to the children of Israel.”
***
1
Though now obviously older men, Hillel the torah scribe and Phaedrus the now incredibly rich apothecary are taking in the scene at the Say Goodbye to Moses festival. The poor souls who actually were in attendance had suffered long through this so-called festival. They knew that it wasn’t going to be wild dancing around Golden idols but they thought they might at least get a drum circle or something. Or some decent food vendors maybe. But no, it had been wave after wave of pro-government fascist meat loving autocracy and the boys were suitably cynical.
I thought we were approaching the end. I knew there was a song coming but maybe it could have been a couple of days ago. I’m glad we weren’t here for all of this. Nobody in this crowd looks like they have been having a good time.
I’m thinking of calling it a Jewish goodbye. What do you think of that?
Maybe. But come on! First the bad poetry…
Sorry. That was actually mine.
Really? You wrote that flowery stuff?
Well, it was meant to be an ode to nature. I was trying to show how much love I had for nature, you see?
Okay. I get it. And what?
Well, you see what they did with it. You see how they always turn it around. You say something nice that make people happy and then they stick it in. And that whole hateful closing. This is not a politician looking for a vote. This is not a guy with a good idea trying to find people to help him realize it. This is just a lunatic making laws left and right however he pleases, however he makes money for himself and his friends. And we get to pay the bill and die for their idiocy.
You got all of that from him berating everybody?
It wasn’t even him.
Who was it?
That was me too.
Oh come on. Get out of here! What are you doing?
I told you that we wrapped up early and everything they are doing is just part of the show. Moses has been in the ground in an undisclosed location for more than a month. Nobody knows. So they told me to write something that sounded like Moses writing a song.
So this was what?
His poetic mood?
You know that once you know things, you can’t unknow them, right?
Yeah. Have I ruined your cactus flower? Do you believe in God less?
No. I’m just always amused at how insane the world is whenever the government decides to pay for things. You know what I think? I don’t think government should have the right to make money decisions at all. I think government should be nothing more than the facilitators of the necessary trade and the maintenance of the roads. Maybe they should be obliged to make a pension for the old age or to make sure that we have plenty of people studying medicine so that we have lots of doctors and nurses around. Invest in the sciences. Invest in health. But without the power of decision. That we make ourselves.
You’re trying to make me cry.
I am.
That was us in the desert for 40 years. That was us before we had to and become hypocrites that murderers. Before we destroyed everything that was beautiful about us.
Don’t cry, my friend. It’s not becoming for a man to cry.
I tell you, my friend. If this thing they make of us is the model of a man, I would rather be a woman.
It is a deeply disturbing thing that they do. The meat business has to go. One way or another. The meat business has got to go.
2
Wait a minute. This is an old person’s moment. There’s a problem with the technology here.
I know it. Say it anyway.
The concept here is that the Jews, or those people who would become Jews, were somehow the poor and beleaguered class. Do you think that is adequate for the way he is describing this?
I think the metaphor and this was straight meat lobby text. There was no Moses talking. We just had a theme, they gave it to me and said take care of it…
All right, we get the details. Just to keep things brief, if you are saying that the world has been apportioned to others but our people had the least of things, that would make us the poor and beleaguered, am I correct?
Without ascribing too much mysticism to things, Yes. It means that we had the most meager of lifestyles. Technically speaking, we were walking with the goats.
Right. So this is a meat-centric interpretation, can we say this also clearly?
If we are talking about only saying our roots were as goat herders and perpetual migrators, this would be their bitch. Of course there’s never enough grass on the field, blah blah blah.
Right. But this is a yes, am I correct?
Yes. You are correct. You’re a good lawyer.
Cheers. Except for one problem.
What’s that?
We already know what happened, how it happened and exactly how it affected us. We already lived through this nonsense. We know it doesn’t work. Nothing they tell us will work. There is no future that says what we are doing will ever be anything but a failure. It’s never sustainable.
People who use other people’s resources don’t really think in terms of sustainability.
I think all they’re doing is driving home the meat side of the argument. Whereas the Torah itself seems to have ended ambivalently with a bit of a jaundiced eye pointing to the similarities between eating rotten diseased meat or animals seen as uncroatia and dead people. It seems as though we all understood each other when Moses decided to take a break and live with Miriam. After that we had 40 years of peace and prosperity. Except that this is the history they are erasing. They are literally saying their side of the story. They are not saying how wonderful life was for those 40 years because of our diligent hard work and not letting the meat business eat us dry. It was a 40 year experiment in veganism and we were beautiful people. But now we have been enslaved by this usurping group and they have already destroyed everything with their presence. Now the world is truly sucked dry and everywhere we go, the world turns into a desert.
I love it. You’re like an old grandmother repeating truths so that she doesn’t forget them. What’s the point, Faye? What’s got you so riled up?
I was just thinking of you having to write this stupid song. I was just thinking of what it must have been like.
Do you mean was I physically tormented by the level of hypocrisy I was allowing myself?
Kind of.
It wasn’t Moses. I did it for Moses. I did it to be on the team with Moses. I know I wasn’t but I always felt like we were friends. Or at least he knew that I was his friend. I mean, he really knew my name and at the end he was really listening to me. In fact I think I’m to blame For most of his good decisions if that’s not being too unhumble.
Clear thinking.
Yeah, it’s shocking to meat eaters. You start speaking in pragmatisms and they think you are whipping up magic.
God help us. We have these people. We should not but we do.
Right. Anyway, it was a setup. I didn’t know what was happening until everything was underway. And then once things became clear that they were usurping the Torah for their own purposes, it was simply a matter of a good life or a quick death. Forgive me, I like living and this thing is too big for me to stop.
So you did nothing?
I didn’t say I did nothing. Read the next part and I’ll show you what I did.
3
Okay, I know you’re a clever man. Where is the abracadabra? I simply see something about meat.
That’s right. You do. This is the meat episode.
Matza mayhem! Wait a minute. Let me look again. Oh my goodness. Look what you did. You wrote the progression of aggression building in a person as a result of ingesting these foods.
I showed the cycle of addiction and how it leads to murder. It starts with the sugar.
Did they even know what they were talking about?
They are meatheads. They thought I was talking about something tasty. They thought I was just sharing the misery of how love can’t exist in the life of a homeless wanderer. At best you’d be lucky to find a woman who truly knows how to live in the nomadic way. Somebody thought it was important for us to learn this nonsense.
So it is the progression that leads us to be murderers. You wrote whatever it is they were trying to say as a straight progression of what happens to normal decent people as they are broken down to depravity and forced to live desperate lives of misery and death.
I really wouldn’t say it like that. Though you definitely should be commended on your use of the language and idiom. Fantastic, say.
Cheers.
I thought of naming it stairway to diabetes. What do you think? I even have a tune that might go along with it.
I’m not sure about that last word but it’s a hit, my friend. You are my brother because that makes me a better man.
Cheers and thanks for God being with us and making all of these little bits of mystical fluff possible.
4
I can’t believe you got away with writing this. Contractually, you have stated that their intention or at least the intention of God being funneled through them was to create from us non people. Subhumans. To completely annihilate us. That’s what they wanted to do.
Okay. Are there any more questions about whether I took my hacks or not?
So they just did not care?
They can’t digest the information.
So they just let you write it. Just like that. Pure vindictiveness. And God is to blame for over grazing, right?
Exactly. God is always to blame for over grazing.
Greed in the flesh business.
They say that once you get the taste of blood in your mouth, it’s hard to get rid of it. What they don’t tell you is all of the nervous disorders, hypertension, colon problems, heart issues not to mention the pure insanity of trying to live with a responsibility that no one seems to agree that anyone has. Outstandingly represented. Now, instead of teaching people by asking them to say, answer a couple of questions while they are vegan and then take a very similar test once they eat meat. We can ask them to run or exercise or swim and then change the diet. And they would all see it. Everyone would see it. We saw it. You and me and all 600,000 of the most beautiful people in the world doing 40 years together under God’s sky. We saw it. We saw it and we knew what we were looking at. We were not crazy people until this idiot got here.
You know, this really is drunken talk. Why do you suppose it stopped feeling like philosophy and started feeling like we are alcoholics complaining about the complexities of our worthlessness?
I want to say that we are somehow better. I don’t suppose you would buy the chosen people argument, would you?
Well, we in the club. I just heard a cool phrase recently by the way.
Yeah, what’s the story?
There is this place where there are these very loud people who sing instead of talk and are horrible murderers and thieves and liars. They are the most corrupt and horrific people in the world and everyone around them hates living with them.
Okay, what’s the joke?
No, it was just this phrase I heard. Someone said when in Rome, do like the Romans. Something like that. Pretty funny yeah?
Hilarious.
5
Hillel.
What?
I love you.
That’s nice.
No, I really…
You like what I wrote?
I just can’t understand it. We’ve been hanging around through this whole difficult time. We’ve seen the entire operation take place. We knew what was going on because you were there. But you never told us that you were showing the truth about who our leadership was.
Oh, do you mean to ask why I did not tell all my secrets to a fellow who just happens to know a lot of beautiful women who enjoy having sex for money? Are you saying that if I had actual sensitive information that I would prefer not to be leaked to the public that it would behoove me not to allow such a wonderful friend as yourself to be in on it?
It just never ends. I mean, I’m tripping but how bad do we treat you?
Oh no! Not from you. Certainly this can’t be happening to you.
No, I mean it. We all just walk right past you like you’re not even there. We all bully you like you’re nothing but you’re not. You knew everything. You knew we would have a voice of logic. You knew if anyone actually read the book and listen to the song that there was genuine wisdom against the war.
Yeah. I thought that was worth keeping my mouth shut for a while. And besides, You were the one who advised me that having a beautiful house in sanctuary was far better than being speared to death and left for the crows.
And bloody good advice it was.
Cheers.
So it’s true then? When we talk about the soul of our government, we are talking about a bunch of flaming homosexuals jumping about trying to spear each other’s bottom using power as their aphrodisiac. Pretty much well said.
It was the only part of my writing that I didn’t speak with a gentile dialect.
To the scribe!
So let it be written, so shall it be done.
6
So this entire thing could probably be designated a vanity project.
Oh at the least the vanity project of all time. More than bad taste. Really, like end of the world, cause of a mass extinction sort of bad. Really bad.
You know, seriously. I’m tripping on this right now. How many times have I told you you’re gay as some particular point of importance in our conversations?
Often. But let us remember, this was during the period of your non-vegan dietary explorations. Literally, during those days when all you did was polish your sword and dream.
Yeah. You’re kind of right about that. Do we want to talk about it and say something about how corrupting money is and how none of us can actually escape the power of corruption?
We could but we could also talk about what redemption is or is not. Do you actually get a free pass to just be who you were if who you were was as reprehensible as perhaps we now understand it to be?
I’m not sure if this is morality being blasted at me or if you are actually making some genuine scientific point. By the way, is there science in any way regarding the mind and how it works?
Now that you mention it, I suppose there will be. Thank you. Butterfly effect and all.
So I invented psychiatry. Crazy. Psychiatry is a waste product of the drug business.
Phaedrus, even as a complete lunatic you were always a genius.
But why? Why am I practicing cruelty?
I think that it’s a part of life to understand challenges and to be willing to do what is necessary to continue living. It isn’t a world without fights but it could be a world where fights are mitigated essentially and as a part of the fabric of every community. I’m not talking about any sort of mental reconstruction if it looks like that. I’m not talking about the bullying that created the current workforce we have now. I’m talking about the sort of people we had when there was really no hand above stirring the pot or making sure that the taxes were coming in.
I am a product of my environment.
Essentially yes. But if you ask me, I think that sometimes you know you’re causing a little pain and it’s not really so bad. Sometimes I like to be a little painful just because I work so hard not to be painful at all. I mean, you know who I am. You know what I do. It has to be this way.
I know. I lost my way. I followed the money. You never did. You never let them put meat in your mouth.
Crazy, yeah? But listen, I don’t need a big parade or a day or a shopping trip. Actually, a little parade on a day in my honor and, you know, a little shopping trip maybe, this would be okay. I would be okay with this.
My friend, I love you as if you are my brother. You are my brother. But you’re not really my brother because we have different parents. So because you’re not really blood of mine, if you think I am going to agree to having sex of any kind with you, subservant or not, it will never happen.
My God, look at you. You are such a meathead.
Oh. Wait a minute. You put pain in my heart just there, didn’t you?
Used to be a vegan and then stopped being a vegan so he could enjoy life. Now he’s back to being a vegan and, stoned really badly, he is rethinking his life. I’m enjoying the hell out of today.
I mean you just said these words and the picture appeared in my head that I had to make these things for you and the weight of my wallet pulled against my heart and I felt it might be the end of my life. Is that what you meant?
Yeah. Vegan wise, your heart is the least of your problems.
Should have known about this.
Hence the problem with us. I wrote this nonsense as an addendum to the original Torah because they would have ripped my eyes out if I refused. They are a horrible bunch. They are rotten to the core. They know nothing but corruption and they serve no God and no people and only themselves.
You didn’t write it but you sort of massaged it into place.
Nice. I cooked us up something sweet for the end of the evening.
You prepared a small demonstration of the rather short miserable life of the human who believes they are carnivores.
And that essentially it becomes a miserable polluted desert to even be in the vicinity of anyone who follows this catastrophic way of life.
Say no to the nomads.
Yeah. No more tourism. Enough is enough.
Keep those traveling husbands to a minimum. Teach them to be good to their wives for a change. Show them that it’s cheaper that way and all they have to do is put up a little effort. Who knows? They might even fall in love with the effort.
And so shall we live in a world where the women are at peace.
You know, my arm is getting tired from all of this toasting.
Is that what you call it?
We need women?
It’s a great day. You know, it’s a great day. Everyone agrees we are having a party because it’s a great day. We need women.
I agree. We need to change the atmosphere.
7
The final of today’s story finds us in a public house. Our heroes have now expanded to a foursome and with them are to rather lovely females. The one on the arm of Phaedrus is a straight Egyptian looking for a meal though she herself never seems to eat anything. The other is a Nubian but not exactly a new one. Like someone’s mother but still interesting to Hillel.
So, perhaps you gentleman would like to explain to us the situation that you have in mind.
I think we won’t to have a party. I think we want to eat very good food. I think we want to eat a lot of very good food. Maybe we should drink a lot of wine.
We are not eating meat and we are not drinking alcohol.
We are not drinking alcohol. Of course we are not drinking alcohol. But the ladies. Perhaps they wanted some alcohol.
Phaedrus, You are an obsequious lout.
One from a long line, I assure you.
Right. But it’s not really a dry party because our friend over here is, what? Phaedrus. Don’t you know who this is? This is Phaedrus. He owns and operates all the apothecary shops everywhere.
Yeah. I’m sorry man. Sometimes I have to be a celebrity.
Something with the Nubian is working well. I suggest that we remove ourselves from each other’s wonderful, exciting and at this point excruciatingly ongoing sharp-wittedness but I want to talk to this woman very much, if that’s okay with you.
From all of us who made this possible to all of you who have had need of this, this I openly give with happiness and enjoy to be able to do so.
I mean, seriously. Get to work on that obsequiousness, will you. I thought you were someone.
I am. I’m the obsequious one with all the girls.
Whatever. Hello.
Hello.
Do you have a name.
Do I need a name?
If I am a very good boy, will you later tell me your name?
That is what you want at the end of our evening?
And perhaps that this is the only conflict we have over the course of the rest of the evening. You don’t by chance give massages, do you?
No, but I dance. Would you like me to dance for you.
And with this but rather beautiful woman got up and made a very personal dance. She danced for herself. She imagined nice moments in her day when she was free and doing some small task. It pleased her to have his attention. It seemed a rather complete moment somehow.
I should say something poetic here about the soul of a woman. I admire you. I do. You are a woman of substance.
I am a queen.
A queen you say? How entirely possible? Can you explain this with any truth whatsoever?
You are our masters. We live in your brothel. We are with you have made of us. Yesterday, I was a queen. Today I am responsible to the needs of certain wealthy men who can afford something special perhaps.
We can already agree that you’ve won. Please tell me your name.
Is this the end?
No, let it be the beginning. I am intrigued. How is this possible? Just moments ago, my life was empty and now suddenly I am alive enough to feel a sense of intrigue. You are intriguing.
Are we speaking of my intriguing good looks?
Oh, please. Do not practice social brutality on me. I promise to give up all physical rights to ever touching you If we can just speak as friends.
And what will you pay me for this?
I’m rich. He’s really rich but I’m rich too. He’s richer than me. It doesn’t really matter. But we have so much money. We can change your life.
You have enough money to change my life. How interesting. What about all of the days of my life that have led me to this? Would you have had money to change all of the lives of all of the poor people? Would it have been possible for us not to feed the needs of wandering males who can’t figure out how to make a living at home?
Non-farmers.
Egyptians. Exactly.
Yeah, we’ve been having deep discussions about who’s the true scum of the earth are. Is it really the poor and the sick and the unlucky and those who simply can’t figure out how to take care of themselves? Or is it the holders of public funds who do nothing to change the situation or even fix the immediate problem. Why is it we never have infrastructure that simply solves the problems of making sure everybody is healthy and happy and living someplace.
Aha. So you are the Utopian.
Is that what they are calling me? I love it. Great nickname.
Then I already understand I can be your friend because I already understand that you are mine.
All day, all night, yesterday and tomorrow. I’ll let you know if I’m not available or if something goes awry. Try not to break the faith too much.
You can call me Kamala.
Good name. And I like how you dance. You’re not vegan though, are you?
Okay, I get it. That goes on the table moment number one. You don’t take anything from anybody unless we understand each other straight up. Either I am straight in my head or not and if it’s not plus meat, I’m…
A very attractive woman who does what she has to do to get what she wants and has been a professional that is for quite some time. Even talented if it might come across as a compliment.
Is it attractive that I agree to work for money? Does that make me more attractive to you?
No.
I don’t need to paddle on about the freedoms of the upper class and the wealthiest 1%? I don’t need to make a political speech to be heard? I don’t need to make it clear that it is important to me and to all women that we get respect from men and be allowed to make decisions governing our side of the planet unilaterally.
Well, if you think about it, it’s only right? Let’s say that we have some kind of two-party argument as a way of solving problems. We could say that this was democracy even though it’s not. If we’re going to have arguments as a way of forming a system of checks and balances to keep national powers down to a controllable minimum and stop unnecessary violence to ourselves and to our surrounding communities. Yes, let’s say we were playing with democracy for the sake of peace. What better way then to have men on one side of the aisle and women on the other?
So what you’re saying is that the men meet politically and discuss all the things that they want to do and the women meet politically and discuss all of the things that they want to do and then they fight it out between themselves?
Hopefully we don’t fight but rather answer important questions.
You want to allow general right of decision?
It’s an interesting question. My answer of course would be yes but, like Moses, I would be out of a job. I don’t like my life. I want to go home and I want to make a home like we’ve been making homes for thousands of years. I just want to somehow stop the men from thinking they could tear down everything we build just because we are women. It’s not fair when men pray on women. It’s not fair if all they want is something to eat along their way.
That would be your profession if that was the case.
Fair enough. A woman has to get somewhere in the world. When you are a queen, it’s hard to know sometimes that you are really making the right decision instead of doing something horribly wrong that could lead to catastrophe.
You know what I think? I don’t think men are anymore capable of handling that than you are. Even if you’re lying and trying to sound humble, men would do the same but secretly believe that they had it licked. I hear you. I hear you clearly.
So here we are.
Yes. Here we are.
Okay. Why don’t you tell me the absolute truth of what you want to do with me right now.
It has to be right now and the absolute truth, right? Okay. I think I would like to see what you looked like as a queen. I think I’d like to go home with you and see this great thing you have told me about. And if it is true, perhaps I will live amongst your people. And we can meet from time to time and talk about important things together.
And if not? Will you punish me like you’re new Torah tells you to?
No. But it might take a little luster off the evening to find out it was just a story. See what I mean?
You want me to guarantee that I can do this job?
Sure. I mean, if you’re agreeing to be a friend to a queen, you understand that there’s going to be a little effort involved. I think getting back at least as much as I put in would be fair, don’t you think?
I promise you, I’m the one. And yes, we could use all the good advice we can get about how to be better people.
Despite living under an occupying flag.
Yes. I’m sorry, you are a nice man. But yes. The future is not going to be kind to me if my people ever have their freedom again.
Because you went with me?
It’s this thing that we do. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
And you really think that creating a two-party system that pitted the men against the women to argue for social issues would somehow be better than good looking puppets working for corrupt lobbyists?
Sure. If you had men on one side and women on the other, the men would no longer have to act like women like they do all the time now.
Kami, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
