A moment of respect for the common mushroom

I have to start this brief narrative with two disclaimers: this is not about psilocybin mushrooms and it is also not about exotica in the fungus world. I am not a mushroom connoisseur. Perhaps, given an alternative life with more sensitivity in it, I might have become a chef. Perhaps I had the patience for it at one point in my development. But at what stage was all of that ruined? That’s always the point? At what stage does every beautiful thing have to be ruined?

I’ve had a burst of clarity lately and I have been working on my catalog. I asked that question at the very beginning of my career as a Shakespeare wannabe. I decided I was going to be a writer and that I was going to specialize in theater. We could talk all you want about what happened and a play should probably be written about what happened. Actually, screwing that up, not writing about that was the dumbest thing. I certainly need to put that on my bucket list. The thing is though, it’s me. It’s me and my thinking and my ideas. They have never changed. And if you’re asking how long I’ve been a philosopher, thinking deeply about things started of course with adolescence like it does for all of us. That’s just the way it goes for people beaten into a hole.

If the reason I say that I’ve had some clarity is simply because I’ve been doing a lot of reading. It seems I’ve been very conservative for a very long time. I’ve been afraid of the work. Something has been preventing me from doing it. But the work itself is really just reading and writing. It’s very casual. Maybe it’s all been health and nothing more. Maybe it’s been a lack of help. Why has it been so hard to get this done? Anyway, right there at the beginning I ask that same question. Why can’t they let even one beautiful thing exist?

The answer is that they are starving. They are starving probably because of the venereal disease that never allows them to rest. They are starving because they eat diets almost exclusively made up of foods that have narcotic effects with them. Literally they’re living on drugs and artificial foods. Just like me. Just like me.

What happened? What’s the difference between then and now? Well, for me it is simply a moment of great calm. I find it very hard to be worried by things. I have enough problems all by my own. But a lot of my life right now has to do with my health and therefore the things I eat really seem to make a difference. I ate something yesterday with some soup and I ate some more today with some more soup and I really do feel remarkably calm and happy. I feel okay. And I like this feeling. What was the big secret ingredient? Champion mushrooms.

Hey, I may have developed taste through the years but as a kid I was a Burger King man. I understand there is a level of mushroom sophistication that I have not bothered to climb the ladder for. This is also true for a lot of things and that kind of regret it because I kind of wish I took the time to learn a little bit more about things. But I did learn about some things. Mushrooms are awesome. I’m just talking about any mushroom. Even the simple basic bullshit cheap throwaway mushroom that can be eaten raw or cooked. One of the greatest artificial foods ever created. And I like other types. They have all kinds of mushrooms. And traditionally, we gather many different types of mushrooms during the fall from our forests. We are known as a mushroom capital.

I remember walking the path down to the orchard and thinking that I was doing a very good job of bringing water to my field. It was a lot of work. Later we sank a well and everything got easy. Maybe too easy. But when we were really battling to have enough water and to stay ahead of the drought, it really meant something when I saw mushrooms growing along the path. That meant it was dark enough and it was wet enough for them to grow. What kind of mushrooms were they? I don’t really know. I called them button mushrooms. There were some that were very bitter and you didn’t want to touch but there were some that were sweet as butter raw. Just click them off with your hand and throw them in your mouth. You don’t think that was a benefit of living here? Or at least a benefit of the style of how I was living here.

But here’s the thing. There was an effect. Again, I am not talking about magic mushrooms. But I am talking about mushroom magic. They’re just a few mushroom caps but they gave me a sense of great well-being. Literally like perfect health was possible. And not only perfect health but clarity. I would always stop and grab a mushroom when I saw them. I love to being able to graze mushrooms out of my garden and personally not having done a thing about it to get them.

I’ve been pretty crazy lately. I’ve been very sick. And last week, my partner brought up those mushrooms. She told me to change them to a paper bag because they were in plastic. I never even made it to the kitchen for 4 days. But yesterday, yesterday I decided I had to try some mushrooms. That’s what I needed. I needed mushrooms.

So I have this way to make instant soup that’s really good. I don’t use the packages. I have noodles and you know you put spices and herbs like this and you add hot water and you get soup. Maybe a little cabbage and such. Very tasty. But what I wanted was to chop up a couple of those champion mushrooms. 2 minutes under hot water ought to be enough for them. I ate the third one raw.

And I’ve been sleeping a little. It’s true. Actual sleep. I’m not so wound up. Even today, which was a truly beautiful thing to have my friend come take care of me. And she made mushroom and potato and brown rice soup that was so tasty because she added the aquafaba from soaking her chickpeas to it. Would you like to talk about a magical soup? Everybody was in a good mood. This is mushrooms. This is common everyday nonsense mushrooms.

Well guess what boys and girls? No apples this year. Very little fruit. In my region it was a barren desert. Way too toxic. Too much war nearby. Too many people driving too many cars and driving the groundwater down. Bad news for the hunters too. No animals in the forest because there’s nothing for them to eat. And unfortunately for all of us, very few mushrooms in the forest. Why?

The climate here has changed rapidly and recently from what it has always been. Thousands of years of development ruined in a moment of greed.

I’ve been writing about 18 years in a row of the hottest temperatures of all times. The water level does not support the forest. The government says let’s sell the forest for timber then! Genius decision after genius decision after genius decision because no one will turn off the oil top and stop the fucking pollution! The planet is being ruined for your prostitutes and cocaine. Stop playing with us you filthy sons of whores! You’ve destroyed the planet Earth.

And so I address you all, douchebag after douchebag. You’re not clever. Profiteers are not clever. They are leeches. Leeches are bad. They are not good. Parasites are parasites. We need people to generate their own electricity and grow their own food. We need people to do their own work to take care of themselves. We don’t need to be slaves for your money machine because your money machine has destroyed our habitat. There are no more mushrooms growing on my property you sons of whores. My trees have no fruit and the forest is cracking and breaking.

So we will make new and we’ll make a profit from it? May you burn in a fire so hot that it melts your eyes before you die. I want you to feel your eyes boiling from all of the destruction to the human habitat your decisions have made. You sons of whores. You filthy disgusting sons of whores.