From Chabad.org: Shoftim in a Nutshell
Deuteronomy 16:18–21:9
The name of the Parshah, “Shoftim,” means “Judges”.
Moses instructs the people of Israel to appoint judges and law enforcement officers in every city. “Justice, justice shall you pursue,” he commands them, and you must administer it without corruption or favoritism. Crimes must be meticulously investigated and evidence thoroughly examined—a minimum of two credible witnesses is required for conviction and punishment.
In every generation, says Moses, there will be those entrusted with the task of interpreting and applying the laws of the Torah. “According to the law that they will teach you, and the judgment they will instruct you, you shall do; you shall not turn away from the thing that they say to you, to the right nor to the left.”
Shoftim also includes the prohibitions against idolatry and sorcery; laws governing the appointment and behavior of a king; and guidelines for the creation of “cities of refuge” for the inadvertent murderer. Also set forth are many of the rules of war: the exemption from battle for one who has just built a home, planted a vineyard, married, or is “afraid and soft-hearted”; the requirement to offer terms of peace before attacking a city; and the prohibition against wanton destruction of something of value, exemplified by the law that forbids to cut down a fruit tree when laying siege (in this context the Torah makes the famous statement, “For man is a tree of the field”).
The Parshah concludes with the law of the eglah arufah—the special procedure to be followed when a person is killed by an unknown murderer and his body is found in a field—which underscores the responsibility of the community and its leaders not only for what they do, but also for what they might have prevented from being done.
***
With the newspaper closed by order of the state and no possibility of new work coming his way, Hillel the scribe has fallen into a deep despair. As usual with such moments, he has come to the tent of Phaedrus the apothecary to find something to help him get through the night.
1
Thank you to God, creator of all things.
Amen. I’m telling you, Phaedrus, I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t be a part of this and I can’t let them use me in this way. I don’t think I can be here anymore.
Hillel, you are not the most easy going fella. I’ve known you for years and years and to say that you’re a bit high-strung is just scratching the surface. Can’t you just go along with things? You have everything you need here. Just shut up and go along with the program. Stop fighting.
But they are destroying us. They are destroying us mentally and physically. They are destroying our entire culture as if we are some kind of enemy. We are. We were. We are the enemy of the state because we were living peacefully. And now we’re back in their clutches again. I’m telling you, I can’t do this anymore. I’ve had enough.
But where would you go?
I’ve been thinking about this. It really doesn’t matter where I go. I’m not going to live in a cave. I have everything about me that says I am with people. Okay, I’m not the best human being in the world but I am a person with other people. I think I could get along with anybody. I’m respectful enough.
But aren’t you afraid of the mysteries outside of our circle? The government tells us we need to be afraid of pretty much everything. There are some bad hombres out there.
Right. We have worse hombres running this government than we ever had in any of the surrounding communities. I hate to sound redundant but they were our trade partners. I feel so bad about what we’re doing it makes me sick.
But what if this is the way of the world? What if this is the way things are supposed to be and all of our intelligence and thinking about philosophy is meaningless. We are ridiculously filthy animals. We will always choose food or sex or comfort over anything else. And drink. Always drinking. Even having a government like this tell us that we’re going to pay taxes for our sins is kind of a joke. There’s never any difference. No matter who the government is, no matter what they say and no matter who or what they say is on their side, the government is always the government and that’s all there is to it.
But you were there. You were there! The whole 40 years of peace. We built the place.
No, that was manna. God gave us manna and that was all we ate.
But that’s crazy. Yeah, we had some manna. Why not? It was okay. I like to cook it up with some fruit in the morning and have kind of a sweet porridge of it. No problem. But we had everything else in the world! We were kicking ass and taking names ecologically and agriculturally. We had weed fields. We grew everything we needed. Our gardens were elegant and abundant. We were good at it. We were growing as individuals and as agricultural people. Everything was good and nothing was bad.
This is what I mean. According to the government, we were a bunch of greedy beggars.
We are not greedy beggars. The children of Israel are a very talented group of people.
No. Cannon fodder. Nothing more, nothing less. This is what I’m telling you, Hillel. You seem to have this high opinion of human beings. You seem to believe that we are capable of all kinds of altruism. Are we? Do you really feel like opening up your heart and your wallet to anyone with a sob story? Do you really believe our place is to be a provider for those less fortunate? It doesn’t work. What we’re doing now works. It’s simpler.
No, this doesn’t work. Taking what you want by force only creates problems and enemies. It never works. It makes useless people out of everyone. Why? Why can’t we be purposeful? Why can’t we be men and women and people trying to get by and using our ingenuity to do so? What is so wrong with letting people do what they need to do?
The whole time that you were writing for Moses, did you ever just write whatever you wanted?
No. I never did. I did try and speak with him about some interesting points. And of course the big ten rules those were ours, a part of our club. Young citizens. He really liked those rules. If I had known he was going to break the tablets though, I wouldn’t have bothered being so serious about things.
We were all young back then. Did you really believe that the government was going to take us somewhere?
I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I was starstruck.
And now you don’t even want to be here anymore?
I don’t know what to say. I’ve always tried my best to retain dignity in all things. Maybe it gets in the way that I should be more direct.
You’ve lost the newspaper, your public voice and you’re about 1 minute from being killed or imprisoned. Do you really think you should be more direct?
I’m against the war. I don’t want us traveling and fighting wars against other people’s. Raping women does not give me pride. Stealing food or destroying something that was well built and functioning does not make me feel at peace. Murdering innocent people does not bring me happiness. And frankly, nothing about this new enterprise is admirable. They’ve usurped the order. They’ve stolen the government simply because Moses is too frail to do anything anymore. Let mine be the opposing voice. Let them hear what I have to say.
Yeah but that’s the point. You’re not supposed to be talking. You’re supposed to be writing what they say and that’s all.
Well that’s where we are. I’m not going to take it lying down. I’m not going to watch everything I’ve built be destroyed. Or better yet, if this is the way they are going to do me and they are going to take this psychotic murder paranoid business to the end of the line, I don’t need to be here. I don’t need to be called to show up. I don’t need to have people see me. I’d rather people believed that I left for a genuine reason.
I have a question. If you leave, who is here to tell the people why you left?
That’s a good question. I guess I haven’t thought about that yet.
2
Maybe you’ll be a king.
They will never make me a king. They don’t see me as a leader.
But you were influential.
Officially and according to new history which has been written into this abomination they are calling the Torah, I was not even there. My name does not even appear in the text. They won’t even give me an acknowledgment. They are wealthy people, they do things with their money that the rest of us have to do with our bodies.
Do you really think that’s what it’s all about?
I am a dirter.
Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m forgetting myself. I don’t gather herbs anymore. When I was young I used to go for long walks in the forest. I prided myself in my knowledge of the natural world and with my ability to feed myself by providing these things for people. It’s a service like any other service but I was proud. I felt that was helping people.
You helped me often enough. I’d have no idea what to do with myself without you.
You know I have a problem with this friendliness. I personally feel that you’re gay. You personally feel that you are not. But it’s still in there so maybe you should not butter me up so much.
You are a soulless pirate if that makes you happier.
Maybe soulful.
Did you hear what they said? They took us out of Egypt where we were slaves and now our obligation is to build kingdoms like all the other kingdoms.
We get to be slaves again. Oh boy! That’s kind of ironic. The big guy gets angry at us every time we say something other than we are with God and we are going to be free with God. But push goes to shove, we are still in Egypt and we’ve never left Egypt.
Except when he was nice enough to spend 40 years taking care of his sick wife.
Sweet, sweet years. I was there for them just like you. I’m not so jaundiced as you might think. I just get a little happy with myself sometimes.
Well, that’s what the book says. The book says when you have all the power in the world, be careful not to make use of it for fun.
Oh no, nothing should ever be fun. If I had all the power in the world, I would never do anything fun.
I don’t know. If I sat in the office and I had a pretty secretary…
I think they call that a Monica.
Would that really cause problems in matters of state?
Quite the opposite. One would think they would be happy having a relaxed King.
No. That’s not the future. The future is that power is corrupting. To even be someone whose ass people genuinely kiss is enough. If part of your normal day is making yes no decisions about what other people do, you’re no longer a human being.
And it’s not like we’re talking about a crew boss who really knows the job well. We’re not even talking about our natural leaders. We’re talking about national leadership killing us who our judges are. We’re talking about the layer above all of the families. The state judges with us now are incorporating their words and decisions directly into all of our lives even on a local level. This is literally a position divorced from the people. This is for someone who lives amongst the stars. Truly a God.
No. I spit. Don’t say such things.
What else is it? If you’re a man, your woman can have no decision because you’re a God. There is no argument from anyone. I am a great man so I am free to do anything I want. I just want to know how it’s possible that this would not become part of your personal physiology. How would this not make you automatically corrupt person?
Royalty is a different thing. We had 40 years without it and we did pretty darn good.
It wasn’t just manna.
No, it was a little manna and great big wheat fields and vineyards full of fruit. And all of the work to create the greens and the beans that we knew were our best nourishment. And the tubers and all of the starch that comes with them, and bread, we ate so well.
They were glorious times. I enjoyed being in Epicurean.
Yeah. Phae, you really said something.
What did I say?
We had style. We had class. We had pride.
We looked good. We dressed well. It was important to us.
Yeah. You couldn’t be too finicky. You couldn’t be too showy.
No, people didn’t like it when you showed off. We were children of God. We had to have modesty.
It was actually kind of fun interacting with everyone like a gentleman everyday.
We were all gentle people. Oh, we had so much fun.
The parties.
Oh, don’t even talk about it. My side hurts just thinking about how much I laughed.
We laughed.
But now look at us. Does anybody remember laughter?
That’s what I mean. We are pigs now. We were real human beings. We had an ethos and it worked for all of us. We had rules that said we had to behave well and we did. And we had lots to eat and we got along so well together. But now we’re just pigs. We are nothing. We are human garbage. We are meat. We are nothing more than meat. This is what these perverse religious governments due to us. This is what war does to us. This is what meat does to us.
They simply agree that we’re not worth any money and that suits them well enough. Go on, go kill something and be useful for a change. You didn’t have any life. You didn’t have anything better to do.
We ate meat. They made us all eat meat.
That’ll do it. That’ll do it every time.
3
Are you a Levy?
No. Are you?
No. Do you have priest status in any way?
I was kind of sort of part of the royal house in a way, if you squinted kind of. I wasn’t really anybody but, you know, I had some of the special interest people come kiss my ass.
That’s because you’re gay.
Knock it off. I’m not gay. I had a particular wife. Now the whole country has my ex-wife. What a woman! Seriously, anything you practice, you get good at. Epic by any standards.
All right, fine. Only because it was the single largest and most interesting public humiliation ever. And they knew that you were writing the Torah while all this was going on.
I like to think of myself more as a voice of the people. I like to think that my contributions are well known. A lot of people read our newspaper regularly. I think we added to the literacy and the better judgment of our people. We were a technically the government in place of any war or other problematic interactions. We told them the good news. The meat business was bad. Going vegan was very good. We got quite a few people going full on vegan.
The only true kosher is vegan.
Vegan is inherently kosher. It’s kosher without the added noise.
Yeah. The noise. The noise in the head. Do you think that goes away when you go vegan?
No. It just becomes lighter and more friendly. It becomes more easygoing. It’s not so bad to be haunted when all of your ghosts are friends.
Again, I don’t understand how you’re not gay.
Listen, it’s just not about that. Can you just leave that alone or did you want to sleep with me?
I want to sleep with you?
I kind of heard that with a question mark. But we don’t have question marks in Hebrew. I did suggested a few grammatical marks be introduced to the language but Moses said that we were purists. Just write the blocks and let people figure it out for themselves.
A book written by an Egyptian dictator setting up shop and making use of his minions.
How I done it. And it is all true because I was there and saw it.
At exactly this moment, someone came into the tent and spoke quietly with the men. After a moment he bowed and left.
He’s dead.
He’s really dead. He isn’t metaphorically or spiritually dead. He’s really dead.
Well, he’s been dead for a while now.
Yeah. For sure. When you don’t do anything all day long but lie there, you are not really alive.
You can be breathing.
Sure. Breathe away. Piss. Shit. Come if you can do it without touching yourself. But nothing else. Just live and nothing else.
It sounds like a higher state of being in some way.
No, something in his brain popped from all the meat he had to eat. Everybody was with him telling him to help out the stonemason’s regime. They needed his name on it, they needed my name on it. The old man had been in bed with his wife for 40 years and now they were dragging him and asking him to be a young fire brand at war.
Yeah. You told me about that.
Yeah. It was a simple question. He couldn’t answer it. He couldn’t make the decision. He said I’ve got to go talk to God. And he walked away and went to his room to lie down and never really got up again.
So something just went pop in his head.
You can’t do that to yourself. You can’t eat all that flesh and fat. You can’t keep putting that stuff inside you and expecting anything good to happen.
The Stone Mason says he likes the energy.
The Stone Mason is a psychopath. He’s a psychopathic murderer. Do you understand the words I’m saying? He’s a mass murderer.
Well officially, the king of Israel.
No. No. Not the king of Israel. We don’t need a king of Israel. We never needed a king of anything. Moses was at his best when he wasn’t with us. That’s the whole problem with all of this. All of this book is nonsense. It’s not his book. He even talked about that. Everybody write their own book and read it and read his book. Be a reader and a writer if you want to be a good king. Well that’s great advice. I can’t argue with that advice. It’s grand advice. The problem is they won’t write that in the Torah.
But they did write that. They wrote that the king should write. That he should read and write. Keep doing this Torah thing. Keep the book. That’s what it says. Your life is your book.
No. I understand that. I meant that they won’t write that it’s good to be able to rethink your decisions. Or to grow and change. One would think that a few simple principles might make it easier to make our executive decisions. Don’t cause harm to your neighbors and see what happens. Don’t harm them or steal from them or want what they have. Just leave other people alone and mind your own business.
It should have been enough.
It was enough. It worked.
I have an idea for a song. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to say. Oh I believe.
In yesterday?
No. Just a random thought. I believe.
4
Sojourns.
Yes, people be needing their sojourns.
I’ve adapted to minimal travel. I don’t really like going anywhere.
Are you crazy? Ah, I understand. It’s because you’re gay.
Listen, I know I can knock you out if we start fighting.
If you try to hit me, you will never see another fingernail full of this most robust flower we are using.
Fine, even if I’m gay, I can be scary at least. Let’s be satisfied with that. What’s your point?
I have girlfriends. You are the one who goes alone. The women love this business. The women can’t even imagine not complaining. They cackle like chickens all day and we, because of this stupid appendage we have, believe this cackle is interesting. And that’s what’s sojourns and vacations are about. Don’t you love packing? Don’t you like shopping for a trip? Don’t you like shopping for a trip that will inevitably be a shopping trip? Do you know what it is like to even have the thought to recommend that they leave space if they intend on spending money abroad? Don’t you enjoy fiscal insanity?
No. I really don’t. I’m way more comfortable at home. I cook something nice to eat, I find some way to amuse myself and I’m good to go.
Well, you are obviously a man of means. You are rich.
I have a house and I have people to take care of the house. This makes me an owner. But I really don’t concern myself except when I work in the gardens. That’s what I like most of all. Being a part of making my own food. I love it. I love it so much. It is 10 times the importance to me of anything these sons of bitches say. I say to hell with this stone Mason. I say he knows nothing about anything. He’s just a greedy little mercenary.
I’m glad you didn’t say the word.
I can’t say the word. But by your way of seeing things, he is way, way, way more gay than me.
The absolute gayest of the gay. The fruit of the loom. Mr peach pit himself.
He is a bloody savage.
They say he has his servants hold a mirror so he can watch himself mounting the other servants.
I think it said something about not becoming too wealthy when you have power.
No, I mean, the hammer alone. When he’s really sweaty. You know he doesn’t wear a shirt and he’s all dark from the Sun. And you can kind of smell it you know?
Wait a minute. Why are you calling me gay? I think you’re trying to sleep with me.
I was just thinking more of taking a nap. You wouldn’t be opposed to a nap would you?
You mean like I lie down over there and you lie down over there and we don’t bother each other for a while and we try to sleep?
Or maybe we could kind of spoon.
You know, buddy, this is why I am out of here.
You are serious. You’re going to walk out and try your luck. You’re an old man. You’re giving up a lot of comfort.
Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re right.
5
It is some time later and Hillel the scribe has a guest. Habibimjab, a candidate prophet, is doing his thing in the former office of the daily papyrus, the newspaper that held the community together for 40 years of agricultural and ecological success.
So how exactly does this work with you?
Well I read the book. I read everyday.
You read the Torah everyday?
Yes. Without fail. Every single day.
Why? Why don’t you have more important work to do? Why are you so idle? Are you a king?
Am I a king? No. I’m nothing. I’m just a man. But I think God is with me.
I completely hope God is with you. You need God to be with you. Do you grow food?
Do I grow food? What do you mean? My profession?
Do you have a profession?
I sometimes do labor. I help people.
Oh. You’re a crazy person. I understand. How long have you been crazy?
Oh, not so very long. But sometimes when he is there with me, I feel very purposeful in life. I want to share this with everyone so they know the truth.
He being God, right?
Yes.
And it is 100% a masculine presence.
Yes.
Are you here as a joke?
That’s a joke? What did I say?
Okay, tell the truth. Phaedrus sent you here, didn’t he?
The apothecary?
He did send you, didn’t he?
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
What are you doing here?
I’m a prophet. I’m a good one. I read the Torah everyday and I believe God is with me. And okay, God is absolutely a man. I don’t know where you were going with that but okay, I said it and I’ll own it. But, I understand that a part of the budget goes to the official prophet and I would like to be that man here in this district.
You know, I’m sorry if I was less than respectful. You deserve respect just as all living things deserve respect. Do you know how many others are looking for this job?
If you’re asking me, I can only ask God. Okay, I asked him and he said no, I was the only one.
You literally just spoke with God right there and he answered your question immediately when you asked?
Well I know it sounds funny but I didn’t know how else to answer your question. So I ask God. There’s nothing wrong with that is there?
No, absolutely not. Feel free to talk to God. But you say God just answered you. That’s what I heard. God is at your whim, am I right?
Um, I’m not sure what the answer is here. God is with me all the time.
Only with you or with everyone?
Well, I think the correct answer, and God backs me up on this, if you’re going to have a public service job of prophet, and it pays exactly the shekels that I heard, I want to be this guy. I’m a trustworthy fellow. That’s why I’m talking to you. You are the scribe. I only listen to your voice.
My voice or God’s voice?
Don’t worry, I will never tell people to war. I will never push them to unhappiness. I will only tell them that God wishes them to be healthy and happy together and to live together like good people. I will never let you down, sir.
Whatever. I liked you better as a crazy man. Try not to come out of character too often. We will let you know. Have a good day. And take that food out of here. I don’t really feel like eating anything.
A little while later and the scribe is in the tent of the apothecary talking shop in a world gone crazy.
What is this gigantic importance of arbitrarily killing someone and needing to flee? Do you remember a lot of that during the 40 years?
Accidental murders? I don’t know if we had any accidental murders. We had a few people kill other people. They always knew each other and they hated each other and they had a fight and one of them won and the other one was dead and that was it. Sometimes the guy who wins the fight doesn’t like his life anymore because he killed somebody. Sometimes those guys kill themselves. I don’t understand what running away means. You can’t run away from yourself.
Yeah. It’s all about tourism and travel and going other places.
Nobody wants to stay at home anymore.
That’s what I’m saying. Everything is go go.
I think it has something to do with running away from your responsibilities. The longer you stay, the more difficult it is. People need to refresh themselves. Things get old very fast.
I don’t mind traveling. You don’t think there’s anything to it?
No, I don’t. I really don’t. Okay, maybe there was some affluence in my family when I was young. I grew up inside a nice house. Maybe I didn’t play so much or fight so much. Nobody ever asked me to be a soldier. I was an academic aesthetic. But the life of an academic aesthetic doesn’t really need so much vitality. I’m not really so vibrant as my words might make me seem.
I’m not really judging you, my friend. I’m just saying that you are comfortable at home.
I don’t understand people who are not comfortable at home.
I think I am only uncomfortable at home because my home is now under the decoration order of some woman who took the job for herself and the now all the other women in my life are jealous that she gets to make the style choices and yet I don’t even sleep with her anymore.
I could see that this might send you traveling.
That is a very important point, my dear. And we will address it completely when I return from my sojourn.
I have lived with women since Eva. I haven’t been completely alone. Maybe I’ve had the good fortune of never sleeping with a professional decorator.
She was the 16-year-old daughter of Jophet, the goat herder. And he gave you the girl so that you might include his name in the Torah somewhere.
That is only your interpretation of the events. I remember it all quite differently.
And you, a vegan, of all people. I have never heard of such a thing.
I’m just saying that we weren’t fighting all the time.
No, I guess you weren’t. You didn’t have to pay for any of it. You just needed the pen to slip. What happened by the way?
With the girl? She had a younger, more athletic friend she was interested in. She said that I was conscientious. That was the word she used. Pleasantly conscientious.
And you had no problem watching her leave?
Seriously? Of course not.
I don’t know. Not many guys could let a young girl walk out of their lives like that.
Don’t you get it? If it’s not me, it’ll be someone else. You can’t stop it, you can just let it happen. Whatever was the reason for that girl coming out, she came out and we got along fine for a while. Then she lost interest and went other places to do other things. And me too. Actually no. I just stayed home and lived without her for a while.
Until the next one came along.
Sure. Sometimes they are there and sometimes they are not. Just like with all women.
Whatever happened with that name deal by the way? Did they ever get their mention?
Yes and no. Have you ever seen this?
What is it? Paint?
It’s the official Torah editing tool. Of course we make mistakes. This makes the mistakes go away.
Did anyone know about it? Did Moses know about it?
Oh no. Never. I just did something rather clever. I made a box of text work out so perfectly that I could either add a sentence or not add a sentence and nobody would ever notice that it was there. They required some ceremony. I gave them what they wanted. They were allowed in the tent to view the book as it was written after the session and the meeting were over. I showed them the sentence. They beamed with pride. Such pride. Their names were in the Torah and everything they had done was worth it.
And then you erased it and everyone’s happy?
Yes. Sometimes cleverness is really wasted. They were illiterate. At best they could count or understand a ledger sheet. They have no style. They are meat people. They are carnivores. They are reactions. They don’t have brains. They don’t have ethos. They have reflex. The whole thing makes me sick.
The girl was hot, yeah?
Yeah. I’m a realist. But yeah, that was fun for a while.
Unfortunately, the episode has turned you gay.
That’s it. Get up. Get up right now.
6
That was scary.
I did not know that they were going to physically act this out.
I didn’t think that they would do something like pre-order a punishment before a trial simply because a situation was similar to one in the past.
Don’t ask them to make sense. They don’t make sense. The bloody lunatics are running around insanely creating problems for other people and believing it’s their right to do so. It’s absolute insanity.
But they killed him. They killed that man as a part of the program.
I had nothing to do with that.
What are you talking about? You are the scribe. You wrote all this a while ago. That’s why you are on your sojourn or your free time or whatever your problem is. You’re not working and you’re still alive.
Yes, whatever you’re trying to say. But I did not write that. They wrote that. They wrote that last night.
You had nothing to do with it?
Look at the text.
It’s not your handwriting?
Of course not.
Did they ask you?
No. They decided they didn’t need me anymore. Generally, they said that whatever I had previously is now gone.
Moses died.
I think we could probably see quite a few changes starting when the old man finally stopped breathing.
That’s where everything is so crazy right now.
Well, things were not really less crazy when we were writing the book itself. Don’t even go in there like this is some great work of sanity. But yeah, nobody was questioning Moses’s authority. Nobody was questioning that he was the man. We just questioned why he needed to be so heavy-handed. But that’s a million years ago.
You may have been his only friend.
No, you are rewriting history. For most all of it, I wasn’t there. Only that the pen be there and functioning and that the words be written as they were said.
Plus minus.
Officially, I had no say but I earned some points over time. Let’s leave it at that.
And now what? You’re going to flee to our sanctuary city.
Not really flee. I’m rich. I’m just thinking of buying a house over there for a while. Maybe try my luck writing for a different group of people.
Mobility. I thought you would stay here forever.
I thought I was at home. This is not my home anymore. I was proud of my home. This thing we are doing is nothing to be proud of.
7
And finally, we meet once again, the scribe and the apothecary, this time in the rather elegant estate on the side of the hill recently purchased as a new home base for Hillel.
I have to hand it to you, Hi. This is really something special.
Can you feel the way the air flows through the rooms and cools everything. The architect told me all about that.
You’ve never built anything in your life.
I am that I am. I wrote those words by the way.
I am impressed. You have style. But what about the women? Is anyone going to dance for us after dinner?
Did you expect me to have dancing girls?
Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. Were you going to dance for me?
Just shut up and tell me the news. What’s going on?
We had a lay down. They didn’t want to fight. I don’t think they had any soldiers at all. They were just like we used to be. Just an agricultural community and they agree to take some taxes out of what they earn and give it to us. We are the bosses and they got to pay us and that’s all.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
Yeah. So it wasn’t really such an interesting thing. I guess I could say that the army was in good form. They looked good in their uniforms and they showed up for battle. Did they really want to fight? I don’t think that’s the truth. Sure, we have some savages. We have people that really enjoy getting covered in blood. But not everybody and quite a few of our people are in this situation because there’s nothing else they can do about it. Nobody’s asking our opinion and they just take what they want and there’s nothing you can do about it. So the war goes on even when there is no war.
How are we though as overlords? Do we take a big percentage or a little percentage?
That unfortunately we don’t know. The stone Mason is not really much of a bookkeeper or a writer. He really doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or say. He doesn’t even really get involved in the fighting anymore. I think mostly he just stays in his shop. I hear he is into chiseling statues of naked people.
Really. It’s amazing how people gossip.
And with you, obviously you have no worries.
I don’t know. I have plenty of worries but not so many friends. I don’t really know my neighbors very much and I don’t really want to. I just stay here now. I don’t know. Maybe I feel safer. Maybe that’s what these sanctuary cities are all about. I don’t actually know that I caused any harm to anybody. In fact, I’m the guy asking people to stop causing harm to others. I don’t know. I’m calmer here. I have no reason not to be calm here. There’s no war here. Just a bunch of rich people minding their own business and enjoying the cool breeze as it passes through our expensive houses.
And then after dinner
Tell me again about the dancing girl.
She is young and fresh and alive. Her body moves with pure instinct. She is already powerful from her beauty alone.
What is she wearing. Quick, tell me what she’s wearing.
Nothing really. Wisps of fabric of various colors. And these fabrics fly and become screens for modesty or opportunities to see during the course of the wild dance.
And how much to buy her? I love this girl. How much does she cost?
Oh no, we do not own people. That’s impossible.
Are you crazy? You show me such a beautiful thing and you expect me not to want it for my own.
We don’t own people. We don’t do slaves. There is no meat business anymore. The girl likes attention and she likes dancing. That’s all that’s happening.
Do you want to know the worst part of this?
What’s that?
I don’t mind hanging out with a writer. I understand that we’re going to play games with our wits. I’m okay with your company and I’m always okay with your friendship. But there’s a big giant difference to having an actual girl dance around to music for your enjoyment after a nice meal in a rich home and you cobbling together a couple of words and then not even allowing me to act on my fantasies during your fantasies.
Listen, it has to have rational plausibility. If We are not slaves, we don’t have to sell ourselves or our value to others. We just do our jobs and try not to bother our neighbors. If the girl likes to dance and we have such a girl around, who can complain?
You are an idealist.
I want what I want and I believe what I believe. I’m not complaining about my life and I’m sorry for not being around. This was my best option. I’m not really a part of things anymore. I mean, it’s a long way to the center of town but I have no history there. Maybe a few people know who I am but they just nod and say hello. It’s different when you go away. You start fresh. You’re nobody. I’m not exactly nobody but I’m a lot more nobody now.
I hear you. It gets lonely.
Not as much as you’d think.
Hillel the scribe lives to write again.
What I meant was that this house is not very far away from one of your apothecary branches. It makes it a lot easier.
Really? And I was thinking maybe I should build a place here. Crazy. I’m already here too. And where here is is also crazy and a little up for grabs. This whole leadership / ownership business is pretty crazy to have to deal with all the time. You’re right. The air is a little cleaner up here on the hill. I think you figured something out. I think you were right that no good is going to come from any of this.
There you go. That’s why we are friends. We understand each other perfectly. Welcome to sanctuary.
