From Chabad.org: Re’eh in a Nutshell
Deuteronomy 11:26–16:17
The name of the Parshah, “Re’eh,” means “See,” and it is found in Deuteronomy 11:26.
“See,” says Moses to the people of Israel, “I place before you today a blessing and a curse”—the blessing that will come when they fulfill G‑d’s commandments, and the curse if they abandon them. These should be proclaimed on Mount Gerizim and Mount Ebal when the people cross over into the Holy Land.
A Temple should be established in “the place that G‑d will choose to make dwell His name there,” where the people should bring their (squash and beans) to Him; it is forbidden to make offerings to G‑d in any other place. It is (absolutly never under any circumstances) permitted to slaughter animals elsewhere, not as a sacrifice (nor ever ever ever) to eat their meat; (There should be absolutly no blood (which in the Temple is never ever ever poured upon the altar), (Therefore, obviouswly, this also) may not be eaten.
A false prophet, or one who entices others to worship idols, should be put to (to a reasonable test and then invited to do a different hobby), an idolatrous city must be (asked to try harder). The identifying signs for kosher (is simple: you never ever ever eat) animals and fish, and the list of non-kosher birds (first given in Leviticus 11), are repeated. (If it walks or crawls, leave it alone. Treat others just like you’d prefer to be treated)
A tenth of all produce is to be eaten in Jerusalem, or else exchanged for money with which food is purchased and eaten there. In certain years this tithe is given to the poor instead. Firstborn cattle and sheep are to be offered in the Temple, and their meat eaten by the kohanim (priests). (All pumpkins, beans, greens and squash donated as thanks for a job well done by the priests are apreciated. They work for god and tips so use the temple generously).
The mitzvah of charity obligates a Jew to aid a needy fellow with a gift or loan. On the Sabbatical year (occurring every seventh year), all loans are to be forgiven. All indentured servants are to be set free after six years of service.
Our Parshah concludes with the laws of the three pilgrimage festivals—Passover, Shavuot and Sukkot—when all should go to “see and be seen” before G‑d in the Holy Temple.
***
1
Today, Phaedrus the apothecary is visiting Hillel describe at his palatial home. Hillel however is packing to leave.
You know, some people just don’t know how good they have it.
Just because you have gone completely commercial does not mean that I have changed one bit.
You’re not a young man. It’s not like you have your whole life ahead of you. Just because your family thing didn’t work out, you can’t pretend that you’re a young man.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
When people go off on their own, they need to trade some kind of labor to get paid. 99% of the time they’re going to ask you to do some building they don’t want to do themselves. Doesn’t everyone understand this?
Do you think I’m walking out of here with a rucksack on my back?
I guess not. Was I missing the point?
They are building another Egypt. We’re not even going to be mobile. We’re going to have stone temples now and cities around them. We’re going right back home.
Going home doesn’t sound so bad.
No. No. It’s bullshit. They’ve stolen my entire life. We had what we had in Egypt and he told us we were going to be free from bondage. Ever since we gave Moses power, he has been a complete psychopathic lunatic. It’s everything just to convince him that the rules he believes in to be directly from God get ignored because he’s the boss. I’m sorry, it’s too much hypocrisy to bear. And worse, we are going to pay for what we’re doing right now. You mark my words, we are not making friends by doing what we’re doing.
I don’t know. We seem to have good soldiers. There’s something about us.
It does work. You know it doesn’t work. We have both known that it doesn’t work and we’ve known it for 40 years. We lived here on our own efforts using our own energy and grew our own food for 40 years. Without government intervention, without being called to go fight stupid worthless wars with places that would normally be our friend. It’s psychopathic. Thou shalt not kill. What is difficult to understand? They are just murderers!
I just don’t understand why you get so upset by all this. You spent the earliest part of your life writing all of that crap down. We were lucky to get a few words in it. And it was dangerous. You could have been killed at any time. I don’t understand why you’re not used to it by now. Maybe you’d be better off just taking it as it comes.
They are saying that I have no other way to live except through monetary value. All life is to be exchanged in money and all money floods through the government. Literally I am an economic entity for them. I don’t believe in this commercialism. I don’t believe in it.
My friend, you’re rich. How can you possibly be complaining?
Were we getting rich during those 40 years when we were responsible for our own?
No. Nobody got rich and everybody understood that this is the way it needed to be. The minute somebody started fighting for resources, the world became a miserable place to live in. If we wanted peace, we have to be willing to take our portions graciously. I remember. I was there.
So now you’re happy because you have a few more gold coins? What do you do with all you have? When you are nothing but your tent and your mortar and pestle, you were a happy man.
I’ve always felt it had something to do with whether or not there was a woman in your life. No offense.
Whatever. I’m just saying that I have no right to privacy and I do not like the object I am becoming. Maybe the job itself was a joke but I did it for decades and we rode the greatest book in the world before they ruined it. I’m the scribe. I’m the guy who physically wrote the Torah. You don’t need to worship me but I will be treated with respect. I am more than meat.
I hear you. I’m just saying you’re going to be way more comfortable if you stay here. Nobody’s asking you to fight and you have enough money for anything you want.
I want to be free to worship God.
Yeah, I hear you. Compromising with the government is never fun.
2
I’m not going to do it.
I don’t blame you.
I am not going to eat meat. I’ve lived my entire life without it and I’m not going to eat it now.
Pretty much your whole thing is based on how well we got on when we weren’t eating so much meat.
These feelings of violence. They come from the meat. We experience the animals through their flesh and we experience the terror that is their lives. I’m convinced of this.
I tell you, it’s a hard call for me. I was pretty happy being vegan. No argument. I’m into beans and greens. But now, I don’t know. Being rich is way different. Sometimes I admit I like the thought that someone dies just so I can get something to eat. It makes me feel special.
I think I’m going to vomit.
Don’t worry. I’m not going to describe my eating habits. But the girls like it better. Girls. Find me a vegan girl sometime. That’s what you need! That’s what you need. You need a vegan girlfriend.
I’m surprised you didn’t say boyfriend.
No, nobody thinks you’re gay anymore. I never really thought you were gay.
Why not?
Because I’m probably gay and I have always wondered Why You never wanted to sleep with me?
God help me. Why is it always surprising to me what happens to the brain when you do drugs all day everyday?
Come on, all this time. You never thought I was good looking?
You’re not helping. You’re really not helping. I’m just saying that this is so sinister. They are pushing this diet because it makes people crazy. They are purposely making us crazy.
Savages make better fighters.
Yes but it’s not right. We are individual citizens. We are not soldiers. We don’t need to be soldiers. We don’t need to be a part of anything. We got out of Egypt to be free. We didn’t go out of Egypt to rebuild Egypt! It’s just not right.
Who are you going to complain to? They took the newspaper away from us because we were using it. You start writing individual pieces of paper and just handing them out. All you want is for people to understand the truth. But the real truth is, the government says this is what they want and the government has the ability to kill us at their whim. This is martial law. We don’t live in the desert anymore. We have been enslaved by our own people. I’m just saying that if it’s going to be a soldier’s life, let’s live a soldiers life and let’s live for today.
I don’t know what to say. I think we should get high.
Exactly my thoughts.
3
You know, they were all our trading partners.
I know. You’re saying the same things again and again. Maybe you’re going crazy.
It was always great visiting with our neighbors because they were different from us. I really enjoy the diversity of meeting different people.
Business-wise, everybody is crazy so everybody pays me.
I know it. Of course, it’s got to be about sex. He was like so completely fouled up with venereal disease that he never knew what he was doing anymore. And when Miriam caught it from him, that was the end. That was the biggest thing is figuring out what to do with our sexual problems.
Yeah, there’s two answers. Don’t have sex or just have sex with one person or your personal wives and they don’t sleep with anyone else. Or you just go vegan and be conversational with other human beings.
That is the thing that’s missing. I miss when we were people together. We’re not people anymore. We’re back to being this ridiculous bloodthirsty entity.
At that moment there is a great crash and a full military unit invaded Hillel’s home. They grab the Torah scribe and throw him to the ground with several soldiers holding their swords up against him. The apothecary is also held. When all is secure, Achmed made his appearance.
Achmed the asshole. Why am I not surprised?
I’m not here to bandy words, scribe. You have been saying the wrong things to the wrong people.
I’m the publisher of the daily papyrus. It was given to me as my right to continue my job of telling the people good things.
Do you or do you not reference God in your work?
What do you mean?
Do you use the name of God in your writing?
Not in vain.
But you agree that it is a topic of conversation when you write a newspaper or one of your private letters that you so enthusiastically hand out, yes?
I don’t really think we can exist as the children of Israel technically without agreeing that God is pretty much an important part of our lives.
No one is arguing with you here, scribe. You don’t actually need to answer the question. We have copies of everything you’ve written. You are worse than you think Moses is. You can’t get through a paragraph without talking about God.
Tell me what this is about. Quit playing games with me.
You’re a prophet.
I’m a philanthropist.
You’re a prophet speaking of false gods.
I’m speaking of false gods?
Write that down. It’s his confession.
It was a rhetorical question! I can’t believe you’re serious. I am the Torah scribe. I put the words on the paper. I am who I am and it is all I will ever be.
Yes but unfortunately, you are currently going well against the tide of the new governmental direction. You are well documented to be speaking of God publicly and saying truly horrendous things like everyone should be free to live their lives as they like. No true God whatever allow such a thing.
Have you ever had a thought of your own?
No sir. And I thank God everyday for it. Take him away.
Can you tell me what’s going to happen to me?
We’re going to have a trial. We’re going to find out if you really are a prophet or just a really loud pain in the ass to us.
And then?
I promise you. When this trial is over, you will never need to worry about anything ever again.
4
Look, maybe we can do this without physical torture.
That wouldn’t be any fun.
Fun for who, Ahmed? It seriously boggles my mind that you would actually enjoy giving pain to another person.
Ah, you’re worried about the pain. Pain is an interesting thing. I have seen pain do crazy things to people. I have created pain of specifically cruel character for certain people. For certain people, I’ve been literally so sadistic I worry about it. I wonder what has become of my soul.
You are joking right now of course.
It’s cold sarcasm. Do you like it?
What I’m saying is that you can ask me any questions and I will just say the truth because it’s in the book. Anything you want to know about me, it’s in the book.
Tell me about the stone carving.
What do you want to know?
You suggested the 10 laws.
Not exactly. I suggested being respectful to the world and to require respect in return. These are really good rules for someone entering any society as a contractor. Treat people fairly as you would have them treat you.
And for some reason you think this makes us better people?
Well, if you ask me about my taste in different situations, I would say that I prefer respectful conversations more than I like brutal fascists bursting into my world and demanding my complicity to things I don’t need to comply to.
But there is a reference to killing.
Yeah. It’s the vegan clause.
It’s about committing private murder on a fellow citizen. It has nothing to do with animals.
It has everything to do with animals because if we don’t understand that, we are not good citizens.
Our job is not to be a citizen. Our job is to be a soldier.
Nah, that was not the deal I got. The deal I got was we were going to go out into the desert and worship God without blood. That was what the idea was when it was offered and therefore this is what we wanted. Let’s be clear of all of this.
Are you saying that the Torah is actually vegan?
The Torah concerns itself with a lawgiver who is very confused as to what it means to be himself. It is then that we have the basis of morality for free people. There’s only one God, be good to everyone else and remember not to worship idols and take a day off. It’s a work of art. It’s a brilliant sentiment. It says don’t kill.
It says don’t murder.
I don’t need to bandy semantics. If you want to know what kosher is, go vegan. It isn’t this list of animals is okay but that list of animals is not okay. It’s not this random understanding while you’re desperately trying to feed yourself on dead decaying flesh. I’m sorry for your addiction to barbecue. I am saying that I am cleaner, healthier, more mentally astute and frankly a better human being to the people around me because I have a better heart to work with when I don’t eat meat. So I have this and I have all of the people who believe what I believe and that is basically all of us who lived through 40 years in the desert on beans and greens.
It was because God gave you manna.
Yeah, we had manna. But we also had wheat fields. We had everything. We grew everything we liked. We were epicureans! We were passing on cooking secrets from one to another. We were really enjoying being desert farmers. That irrigation deal we got with Moses before he disappeared was wonderful. It was all we needed.
Yes, you lived through it because God let you live.
Sure, sure. No argument from me. Everything to God. Without question. But, we did the work of greening the desert and we did a good job of it. All we wanted was acknowledgment that we had built a civilization for 40 years. I know they want to make us out as this clinging ridiculous group of worthless idiots who has to be turned into something reasonable because they are so wretched. That’s your line, not ours. We had a fine civilization. And we had friends and trading partners. The children of Israel never had it so good as when you guys simply weren’t.
But we are and we’re not going anywhere and you’re digging yourself a nice deep hole. You interpret the Torah to say that we should not kill our enemies? Are you interpreting the Torah to say that we should not kill animals?
Basically, what I am saying as clearly as I can is that the actual Torah acknowledges that meet is problematic and causes psychotic reactions in people. When Moses was free of people and the meat business, he found clarity. When he came back and got a whiff of civilization, he lost it. And he gave in because it just didn’t matter.
Very romantic. You are a good writer. I almost believe it’s true. Too bad I know the real truth.
You know that your truth is pure propaganda. There is no truth to your truth whatsoever.
This is the first time we have ever truly understood each other, scribe. That is exactly the truth and we believe that this is the way things should be.
You believe that people should never experience a day of happiness in their lives?
The last thing we want is to find out anyone is enjoying anything?
Jealous God at work, yeah?
Exactly.
It’s venereal disease talking. I was there. Sorry. Men can do more than kill. People like you are going to destroy the entire world one day.
Luckily, none of us will be around to see it. Not me and absolutely not you.
5
Well, if you’re ready, we shall proceed with the trial.
I can’t stand being in the dark. Can you at least explain what your plans are?
The basic point?
I just like to get things in words. When things are in words, it’s possible that we can come to a true agreement. If it’s just a matter of you being stronger than me, we have nothing to talk about.
This is what I’m thinking most of the time. Nevertheless, irony is what irony does. Would you like to have your skull crushed or should we do something nasty to your testicles?
Listen, why don’t you cut through all of that and just tell me what you want?
Not such a badass after all, are you?
Whatever, Achmed. Just tell me what you guys want and let’s see if we can figure this out.
You’re a rich man. They want you to pay for a party.
They want me to pay for a party?
Yeah. Big time. They want you to pay for the biggest barbecue ever.
You’re joking.
I’m interested to know if you’re going to stay a vegan if we crush your testicles. Some people say that vegans tend to be the most manly in their way. That would be an interesting thing to look at.
I am to pay taxes in the form of paying for meat for a party.
Oh no. You’re going to pay for the entire party. But there must be an abundance of meat.
Wonderful. And is this a one-shot deal or do you plan on having these parties often?
We will let you know. But in the meantime, there is one more thing that will be required of you.
I’m listening.
Meat.
You want me to eat with you at this party?
Not exactly. There is some body who you’re going to pleasure for us and for our amusement.
And who do you propose I should give this great gift to?
Me.
Achmed the asshole. Funny, I do not find you a charming person.
That’s because carnivores enjoy it. I’m a carnivore.
You are a corrupt perversion. You are a symptom of the disease.
In war, you weaponize everything.
6
It’s a day later and Hillel, Phaedrus and two Midianite women just about had things cleaned up.
There has to be more to the story.
No, there was some conversation back and forth but nothing happened.
What do you mean, nothing happened. They wanted you to pay your entire fortune for one army party. And he was personally telling you that you were his bitch. And then he just let you go?
Yeah, it is pretty strange when you think about it.
Come on, you gave him a little kiss or something, right?
No, brother. I told you. I just said no.
And they didn’t rip off your fingernails or put out your eyes or anything?
No. He said he was letting me go. Just like that.
I don’t understand it. The guy is a psychopath. I don’t understand.
I’m not going to lie to you. It’s this idea of Mercy. I don’t understand why they set things up as an economic failure. But recognizing that the population that survives is completely demotivated. They become slaves and as slaves they have no soul. The very essence of what the Torah meant for us. Literally, we are imprisoning others as we ourselves were imprisoned.
This is a lot of double talk. How did you get out alive?
He told me that in the end, it was his love for this thing that was his motivation in the world. That he could be a soldier for our country was enough for him. It gave his life meaning and purpose. It was also a do-nothing kill everything job that comes naturally to people like him. He’s right. He’s a carnivore. He has no long-term life. He lives waiting to jump on something.
Indeed. How did you convince him to leave you alone?
You want to know the truth?
It’s one of the real reasons I like talking to you.
He wanted me to want him.
You’ve got to be joking.
I wish I was. Everything in the Torah was about having pity for people. He saw his opportunity and he took it. He just didn’t understand that I would not be moved by the image. In order for him to be bigger than me, he had to agree to have pity on me and allow me to go free from my debt.
And you just said no, I don’t want to?
Yeah. Basically what he wanted most of all was for me to do everything he wanted me to do as if it was my idea and I really wanted to do it.
And you said no deal?
Sorry. You’re asking inappropriate things of me. And, he took it like a gentleman. He said okay and that I was free to go.
And that’s all?
He did seem a bit emotional. It was actually a lot of emotions. I think he also said something like if I change my mind, I’m free to come back.
Unrequited love?
What can I tell you? He was a fan.
You are blessed. The Lord is with you.
Amen.
Okay. And when you did it, what did he taste like?
I don’t think I want to continue this conversation.
7
At least stay for the party.
It’s not a party. It’s more misery. It’s all only misery.
No, you’re missing it. This is the new morality.
We are not allowed to feel any natural urges because we are too stupid to handle ourselves, right?
You have to keep paying. That’s the way I’ve got it figured out. Luckily, this means they keep paying me and I just keep getting richer no matter what they do. So I’m not complaining. I’m just looking at my friend throwing away his whole life instead of sitting down and eating a plate of meat like a normal guy at a party.
Don’t you even consider the death and destruction surrounding this food? This is spoils of war. We’re making a party on spoils of war.
That’s what the stone mason wants. Whatever Joshua wants, Joshua gets.
It’s true. He is such a natural narcissist.
He’s not really so big, you know? He’s just a little guy. I thought he was this big giant but that’s not the case. He’s just really fiery.
Well sure. Young man in the prime of life and he gets to play with an army and go do war against the neighbors. He’s like a terrible spoiled child that you regret seeing through your window. He has no idea what all this glory is going to cost us in the end.
Don’t you worry about it. Every time we rip down a kingdom, they have to rebuild it. Believe me, Joshua makes his money on the back end every time we tear some place down.
Seriously? How does that work?
They have no choice but to hire his boys. Why do you think we’re going to war? We don’t care about the killing. The killing is just a big waste. Most of these places have no idea we’re coming and they have no way to fight us. We know that straight off. So we make a demonstration, we kill a few people but we knock down a lot of houses. And then we get them on the back end for the rebuild. You see how that works?
Yes. We are instituting slavery. We are enslaving other peoples. We are not the people who are free and are no longer slaves in Egypt. We are now Egypt. We are in the slave business.
Yeah that’s true. It does kind of make our 10 rules kind of superfluous.
No. These are the rules we teach to the people we destroy.
I get it. We are sharing the love.
Like I said, I think I should be going.
But why? Obviously everyone loves you. Haven’t you had enough experiences to feel really a part of things? And after all, you are the guy who wrote the Torah.
Yeah, I think I need a breath of fresh air. You’re free to come with me if you want but I think we just need to get out of civilization for a while.
I will go with you anywhere. But please tell me you have a residence somewhere that we shall visit?
No, actually I thought I’d just wing it and see what happened to me.
Just like the old days?
Yeah why not. You never too old if your heart is in the right place.
As your attorney, I recommend we load up for this trip.
I think the word to describe this dream of mine is Gonzo.
Ladies and gentlemen, Hillel the scribe is alive and well and he is bringing his show to a theater near you.
Let’s hope God is on our side.
