From the Bazaar under Sinai – Devarim and Moses didn’t write a word of it.

From Chabad.org – Devarim in a Nutshell
Deuteronomy 1:1–3:22
The name of the Parshah, “Devarim,” means “the words” and it is found in Deuteronomy 1:1.

On the first of Shevat (thirty-seven days before his passing), Moses begins his repetition of the Torah to the assembled children of Israel, reviewing the events that occurred and the laws that were given in the course of their forty-year journey from Egypt to Sinai to the Promised Land, rebuking the people for their failings and iniquities, and enjoining them to keep the Torah and observe its commandments in the land that G‑d is giving them as an eternal heritage, into which they shall cross after his death.

Moses recalls his appointment of judges and magistrates to ease his burden of meting out justice to the people and teaching them the word of G‑d; the journey from Sinai through the great and fearsome desert; the sending of the spies and the people’s subsequent spurning of the Promised Land, so that G‑d decreed that the entire generation of the Exodus would die out in the desert. “Also against me,” says Moses, “was G‑d angry for your sake, saying: You, too, shall not go in there.”

Moses also recounts some more recent events: the refusal of the nations of Moab and Ammon to allow the Israelites to pass through their countries; the wars against the Emorite kings Sichon and Og, and the settlement of their lands by the tribes of Reuben and Gad and part of the tribe of Manasseh; and Moses’ message to his successor, Joshua, who will take the people into the Land and lead them in the battles for its conquest: “Fear them not, for the L‑rd your G‑d, He shall fight for you.”

***

Hillel and Phaedrus are enjoying the festival on the mountain. All the children of Israel get to listen to the words of the old man.

1

Men, women and children gather ye all for a day on the green.

You know, Phaedrus, you have a way with words. You think there’s a future in big festivals like this?

I was just imagining putting together a group of musicians. I could sponsor them. And before the shows, I could give everyone a little something to help them hear a little more clearly and enjoy the music a little more deeply. I think I’ll make yet another fortune.

The narcotics business has no limitations. That is all people do. Everything is drugs.

And thank God I’m me to be here to make all the money I can from it.

I had no idea that you had nothing but malicious mischief in your heart for the people of this community. I have always so thought of you as a healer.

A healer of what? Are we genuinely sick? Did you have it coming? And what do you want me to do? Can I make you feel better for just a moment? I will. I genuinely can. I can make you forget yourself. And you and I, we love each other. And I don’t even mind that you’re gay.

Thank you. I completely deserve that. Did you like my writing?

Which parts are you referring to? The embarkation of the new holy war? The fact that we get to listen to readings from the book to find out what miserable bastards we have been and why we are shit? They can’t trust us. They can’t trust us even for a minute. By the way, what exactly would we do if they let us go?

We would live.

How quickly they forget that glorious 40 years when all we had to do was learn to farm the desert and to be good people to each other.

Do you have anything that enhances nostalgia and makes memories more clear than my current reality?

Technically I do but more to the point, I understand your meaning. I did hear the parts you were talking about. Thus spake Moses. You had to make it official. The moment I heard it I did a face palm just for you.

Have you ever thought of killing yourself with a quill? You can make these things plenty sharp. Do you think if I tried really hard I could just get out of here once and for all?

I see what you mean. Well, what is the truth?

If Moses is still alive, I haven’t had a chance to speak to him. I am not taking orders from Moses now and I haven’t for several weeks. He is either alive and very incapacitated or it’s over already. And this little festival on the mountain, come and listen to the words of Moses as read from the book, what a great title for a festival.

And of course you must be here. You’re the desert flower. You are the princess of the children of Israel.

Shut up. I’m not gay. I’m Eva’s husband. It’s worse.

Well whatever is going to happen, what are you going to do now? You don’t have a job anymore?

No. I wrote the text for the festival. They’re just going to read it. I don’t listen to Moses because there is no Moses to listen to. And as for the politics, you can tell Eva has a voice in there. She has a lot of friends in the meat business. No pun intended.

It wouldn’t kill you if she showed up here, would it?

You’re joking? Can I hide somewhere until she leaves?

No. She’s coming for the evening. No pun intended.

Okay let me get this straight in my head. How exactly does this work?

We are going to fire up the hookah and we are all going to be friends like in the old days.

I don’t mean to sound neurotic but there are several problems here. Number one, I think I’ll scratch myself to death if I have to be in the same room as her. Secondly, I’m really afraid of sharing a hookah with her. Maybe we should each have individual pipes and just tap them or something when we toast. You know, to health! The women have their coalition and their coalition has power. But she also has pretty much every disease a person can have and it’s difficult for me to deal with this level of toxicity.

Oh she is no better than anybody. Maybe guys like you who run in high circles need to think about this sort of thing. Here in the ghetto, we take it as it comes.

Listen, I’m a writer. I think of things and I figure things out. When I’m old, I want to be able to play with my penis.

Fair enough. Life has its twists and turns. I hope you’re up for it because she’ll be here in about 10 minutes.

I think we better clean up.

2

How exactly does this independence work? I’ve never been afraid of putting anything tasty in my mouth.

Eva, you are always nothing but beauty to look at.

Phaedrus, You already know how to be a good boy for Mama. You do like your treats, don’t you?

Yes ma’am, I do. I appreciate every last delicate moment I have in this relationship. I worship the ground you walk on.

A druggist and a woman and we understand each other perfectly. And what about you my husband, my love. I worship you.

Don’t bullshit me. I know it was you.

Why, whatever do you mean?

You wrote the text.

Me? The writer. Are you trying to articulate some kind of paranoid fantasy here? Are you suddenly of the belief that you as royal scribe have to write the words of me? My words becoming the law for all time?

Don’t play games with my mind. It doesn’t work anymore. You only had me while it felt good. When it stopped feeling good, I understood everything.

Tisk tisk tisk. Afraid of a few bumps in the road and a slight cough. Where is your manhood?

Oh, God, give me strength.

Well, it’s really good to see you two in the same room again. Gosh, how long has it been? I mean we really had a good time back in the days, didn’t we?

Do you really remember us when we were young like that? Before everything got so interesting?

If you’re asking me my opinion, you are meteoric. You are one of a kind. You are my leader.

Did you hear what he said, Hillel? He said I’m the leader.

I heard what he said and I heard and I saw and I felt and I smelled you. What do you want from me?

I want your advice.

You? Want my advice?

Yes. I want you to keep me straight. This is a completely different game we are playing now. It’s one thing to acquire power but it’s another to be in power. I’m going to need good solid opposition. I need someone to keep me wise.

You are offering me the job of being kosher inspector to a prostitute?

Well, it is your natural position in life. And besides, your writing career is over. We have all the written work we need. People have seen you at the festival. You acknowledged cheers. That was for your penmanship I suppose.

You might have mentioned that I was the publisher of the Daily Papyrus.

Well they knew. And you got a really big round of applause. That must have felt good. Come on, tell the truth. Didn’t it feel good to have all of those people applauding and cheering you and saying thank you for all that you’ve done?

It is possible that they understand that I am the publisher that keeps the voice of the people alive. You could have said that. Are you going to physically shut us down or just ignore us to death?

No one is saying that you are without accomplishments, my love. It’s just that this particular applause was for being the scribe for the Torah, the greatest book ever written.

It was the greatest book ever written. Maybe it was the greatest book ever written. But now it’s the most dangerous document in the history of the world. You took a rational argument about what is right for the soul of man and you turned it in to a vote for absolute war, death and violence despite all the obvious flaws in the argument.

You have quite the voice for someone who only writes what other people tells him. I’m just saying the applause was for having written the document.

Why was it so very important to add validity to the moment? You made me stand in front of the gaze of the mob and you made them cheer me. That’s not vox populi. You’re just stirring up the herd.

They do love a good festival. They love being together. They love being moved by excitement. This is life to them. They enjoy it.

Nobody enjoys life as meat, Eva. They just go crazy when you shove meat down their throats and you know it.

Barbecue does seem to be part of the job now. I have noticed that I am eating really well recently. I had no idea how good the private chefs really were. And believe me, with this lot, there is a never-ending supply of barbecue. It’s amazing.

Thank you. You are aware that I am vegan and have been forever and ever? You do understand that you are being emotionally abusive to me right now?

What’s the problem? You like having the power to print the newspaper but you don’t like it when someone else has an opposing voice. Live with it. You are not happy that I have genuine power. That’s just too bad. Maybe we do not need an opposition paper after all.

I know you want me to beg you, yes? Eva, tell me the truth. What the hell do you want from me? After all these years and all your escapades, what in the hell do you think you need from me?

I would like you to care about our people. Just exactly what I said. Do your job as I know you know how no matter how difficult it is to be around me. I don’t apologize for me and I don’t apologize to you. But if you can stomach me, you can do some good work. You’re a good man. You are moral and wise. We are going to need you in the future.

You know, that’s the thing about being a vegan. When you listen to the words of a miserable whore, they always sound like they’re being spoken by a miserable whore. We were okay with what we had. We lived in this desert for 40 years without any problems. We did not need to be mobilized. We didn’t need to be again reduced to meat, to be used as meat, to be used to gain some appetite for you to keep your cash flow coming to you. Money without working. And you’re not even Moses. I think you said something like that to me one time. You’re not even so much half this man or something like that. You are not even the crust of shit on his tunic if he’s still alive. And you’ve destroyed what could have been a pretty remarkable book and turned it into a war legacy. I could probably say something like goddamn you but it’s the absolute truth. You are damning Israel for all eternity by doing what you’re doing right now.

Then why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you just say no? Why did you sign your name to it?

Exactly.

3

So this is your newest super cure.

Wherever it is you wanted to go, this will take you there.

And for my friend Hillel, it is only a plant. We just use the flowers.

I’m sorry, Hi. You do have lovely skin but I prefer eating meat.

So you say it’s strong enough to add some mercy to this moment?

Well people, this is kind of exactly the point. I want you guys to try this and tell me exactly what you think of it, okay?

Is it bad manners to even ask what it is?

That’s a good question. I think it assumes some level of familiarity rather than seeking libel. Libel is something completely different. I’m not intending on hurting you if that’s what you mean because I’m going to be with you. I was more thinking like a course in a wonderful dinner. I’m sorry for the paranoia. It’s not really anyone’s fault. Do you guys think you could get through another round?

That was gibberish. Sometimes when you ask a stupid question, he likes to answer with gibberish.

I am agreed. I can’t wait to try it.

Anything right now better be good drugs.

Hi, you really are a drama artist.

All right boys. Let’s see what you got. And remember, I have been in the finest tents in the highest houses amongst the most important of the children of Israel. You’re going to have to go some way to impress me.

The final decision was for individual smoking pipes. Phaedrus explained how it worked and then loaded a bit of magic herb into the chamber and offered some fire to get it started. Eva’s reaction was a pleasant surprise. It was a good feeling to her and she smiled broadly at how wonderful she felt.

I would just like to clarify here something. We’re not all going to die from this, are we?

It’s doubtful. You’d have to try really hard to kill yourself. Careful, Eva. This is strong. I think you might be too comfortable.

Men know nothing of pleasure.

Okay. Just making sure.

There was a short moment where everybody paid attention to their own bodies. Everyone begun to stretch a little, noticing little kinks in ignored places. After a few moments they all agreed that this was indeed very fine cure. A definite success.

So is there any real opposition that you can notice, Eva?

All work and no play makes the scribe a sour boy.

I just want to know. Are you literally running this whole thing emotionally? Are you running everything based on spastic decisions?

You want to know how completely we control the hearts and minds of our people?

I wasn’t specifically talking about paranoia amongst the power class but that would make sense too. Are you just in it for the spoils?

Of course. I am an exploiter. I exploit. Moses and I understood each other perfectly and now Joshua and I understand each other perfectly. We do what we do and we get paid.

But always at the expense of other people’s blood.

You know, Hillel, I have always thought that the greatest irony of all. Isn’t it fascinating that the moment people agree to eat meat, they agree to be meat forever and ever. After that we just demand that they understand that we are the shepherds. And because we are the shepherd, we rule. We get to shepherd them any way we want.

So all of this is for power. You just like what it feels like and you want more of it. You don’t care who dies as long as you get your narcotics.

It’s just the way of the world. We live in a horrible society and we might as well enjoy it while we can.

When did you figure all of this out?

The first time I cheated on you.

Who was it?

No, dummy. I went out and had some ribs and it was all over. You didn’t even smell it on me. You weren’t paying any attention to me. And it was like my eyes opening for the first time. From the moment I ate those ribs, everything I saw was mine. Everyone was my meat. I could do anything and no one could stop me.

Yeah. Sounds pretty sinister. All right, enough emoting from the theoretical leader of the children of Israel. Crank up the hookah. I think we need some more cure.

Yes, I couldn’t agree more.

4

I thought it was nice that you said something about the children. It is important to think about how we raise our children.

What do you say, Eva? Didn’t you ever want to have children?

No. Heaven’s no! Why on earth would I want to put myself through that?

I can’t disagree. I also would not like to suffer the pain and agony of having children.

There was a time where I thought I might like to be a father. With you. In the beginning I did have the idea in my head that perhaps you were the mother of my children.

Did you really? I don’t remember you ever telling me that. And you certainly never did anything about it. You were always so careful.

It started to hurt, Eva. It stopped being pleasurable and it started to hurt.

Well, these nostalgia rides are really something. Those were the days. But give credit where credit is due. You are a great publisher. Whether or not we publicly acknowledge you is one thing. There won’t be any more book writing. Although I have heard rumor that they are just going to start writing more books.

Oh no. Oh no!

Oh yeah. We completely understand what you and the children of Israel built in 40 years in the desert. The only problem with this is there’s just not enough meat in it for some of us.

Everyone was clear-eyed. No one would even touch you.

Did you think you were so special? You with the heart of Moses in your hands. You had him humanized for whole moments. The original Moses. And you personally convinced him at the end that perhaps meat was not the way.

And doing so led to 40 years of prosperity. 40 years without meat and we had everything we needed.

If you were willing to work for it.

Well it does seem to be the natural law of things, don’t you think? Do you genuinely think you eat without effort on this planet?

Some of us prefer others to work for us. I’m sorry, Hi. I am just not agricultural.

So our accomplishments, the harvests, the children, the common sense and how we kept it going, It all gets completely destroyed in the same way that we destroy other cultures.

We acknowledge that God helped.

It was all us. You want to say that it was all God but to us, God is nature. We just worked with nature and we never needed anything. And we weren’t drunks. And we weren’t fools or drug addicts. And people didn’t make horrible mistakes with their lives because they made spastic decisions. And in the end we did our job. We lived and had as many people alive as we’re alive 40 years earlier.

Commendable though it was, it just isn’t a fit with the new color scheme.

So with everybody in love with the idealism and with what it felt like to be working hand in hand with nature and to be a part of the planet and its ecosystem with pride and responsibility, we didn’t need too much supervision. To truly live like you understood your responsibilities from the moment you were born, this was the pride of being a part of it. Thiswas the highest of goals. Pretty much shit times for someone like you though, right Eva? They weren’t too many people sick enough to think you were beautiful, was there?

Well, I don’t know what to say, Hi. She who laughs last, laughs loudest.

Maybe you could just tell me once and for all. Did you do this because you hated me?

Are you asking me if I have lived my entire life to spite you? I will admit to doing a few nefarious things simply because I knew they would cause you displeasure. But after a while there were so many other people that I didn’t really think about you so much. Whenever I needed a person, I had a person. I had people whether I needed them or not. Soon I had so many people they were just flowing through my house like water.

You ran a very profitable business.

Well, not every woman gets picked up by a righteous man and lives in his house happily and forever making children and keeping the house a home. Not everybody is quite so suitable for that talent. Some of us get thrown out pretty soon after the sex runs cold. There’s no difference for us. Just use us until the sex goes cold. We know the sex will go cold so, everybody’s happy.

I hate the meat business. I hate everything about the meat business. I hate everything about this flesh consuming masochism that we all put ourselves through. It’s evil. It’s lecherous. It’s revolting to even think about. We are herbivores. What the hell is so difficult for people to understand? As a native species, we are herbivorous creatures to a huge extent. Whatever the hell you think you’re doing when you eat dead animal flesh, it’s drugs. It’s not really food. It’s drugs! And it makes you psychopathic killers.

Yo, maybe it only helps us to reach our true potential.

Letting people even think about reaching their true potential as a killer is death to all things around them. We do not wish to be killers. We wish the opposite.

Not much excitement in that, I’m afraid. It doesn’t really get people jazzed. We like it when they are really satisfied after a good hard fight and a lot of bad food.

Wait, are you saying that you want the children of Israel to aspire to the life of a carnivore?

We are in charge and this is what we like so I guess we are going to give it a try.

It doesn’t work.

It works right now. When I’m hungry, I don’t want to wait 7 years for the nut trees to grow. I want what I want when I want it.

We know it doesn’t work. We’ve been talking about it for 40 years. The math on the business plan is false. Perpetual expansion is false. Relying on other people’s resources is false. Waging war for profit is false. The only true way, the religion for businessmen everywhere, is cyclical perpetual parity based upon a lack of need. Peace! Intelligence, play, literature, art, education and the study of the heavens and the maths and the potentials of humanity. To be calm and become who we are really.

And who are we really?

Well you’re a psychopath and my friend is just good natured. But I’m smart as fuck and I see everything. You doubtfully even feel this. I think that’s why we are together here. You want to feel my emotions. You want to suck my blood from this moment. I understand this. I just don’t do this. I don’t do this to other people and for about 40 years, our people didn’t do this. I stopped being with you because I hated doing this. I’m just tired of this. I’m tired of these drugs and these drug episodes and these choices that you make. Nobody likes a carnivore. You’re not supposed to thrive on evil.

Well the scribe knows every word of the Torah because he wrote it. And of course he knows that we always blame the woman for everything. The very beginning of this thing we call problematic life came because there was a woman involved who was not particularly faithful. Well, it wasn’t just God and a garden and God lost interest. Gets out of my house is what he said. He didn’t want to see me anymore. He had had his fun. He had played with my body. But now that I was doing whatever I wanted, he wanted no part of me.

Hillel, you must admit, she is extremely articulate.

At the end of the day, the only thing I really care about is the question of why, when we were perfectly content and happy living in the desert, did we have to start these wars? What did you need? What did you need this for?

Power feels good. It adds relevance to your life. This is what Moses and I had in common.

You mean this is why he was so easy to corrupt?

Miriam was incorruptible!

Miriam was the best!

You farmers are all alike. You just keep digging and digging and digging, thinking you’re going to find something down there but you never do and then you start digging and digging and digging some more.

Shows what you know. We are vegan farmers. We just use the grass and everything grows just fine. As long as we have water and grass, we will never starve.

5

How did you manage that?

The left-handed acknowledgment?

Yeah. That we absolutely kicked ass for 40 years in the desert. They acknowledged that we had everything we needed.

Yeah but they filter this through God and God says you need war now.

Yes it’s filtered through God, everything is filtered through God but this God is bullshit. This guy has God who follows him around on his left shoulder. It’s just smoke and mirrors. I don’t even know why he bothers. When he was young and strong, okay, he was kind of hot. But look at him! Bacon banana and jelly sandwiches is just not going to work. You have to expect problems when you have access to everything all the time whenever you feel like it. That much power. That much bloat. Jesus oops, can’t say that, not yet anyway.

I think you just invented a franchise.

I am Hillel the scribe. You did not think I was just going to lay down and die because some whore ate my lunch, did you?

And what of it. Here. I made this for you.

Here she makes a signal like a loud whistle by putting fingers in her mouth and two rather young and attractive and shirtless men haul in a chunk of stone.

Careful, you mugs. If you drop that, you have no idea what it’s going to cost you.

Yes madam. We all know what it is to be a real man.

A real man never drops his tablets.

It is the metaphor for life. We all understand this and we do this because we want to be better.

Okay. Are you ready? I had this made especially for you.

Did Joshua himself do this?

Hillel, get real. You were never more than the scribe. Know yourself, bro. You knew you hung with us but you didn’t hang with us if you know what I’m saying. So just chill and take your pension like a man. No, it was not Joshua. Do you think any of this would happen if Joshua knew about it? He would take a chisel and he’d put it up to the front of your head and he would say thank you for your service and whoopty whooptie whoopty boom that would be the end of you. No. I had a clever apprentice make this. So that’s the back story. You can be bile all you want Mr yellow journalism. Still, I think this was a nice gesture. As the big man says, behold:

7For the Lord, your God, has blessed you in all the work of your hand; He knows of your walking through this great desert; these forty years that the Lord your God has been with you, you have lacked nothing.

You know it would have been cheaper just to give me the semicolon.

What do you mean?

It’s the pause in that sentence. They could have completely wiped us out from existence. It would have meant that we wandered 40 years. But there is a semicolon, this means there’s a separation.

It doesn’t really. It doesn’t mean there’s a separation.

What do you mean?

I mean with or without the semicolon, the sentence says that they wandered for 40 years.

Not really. One of the purposes of the semicolon is to show a subsequent point. It is the same thing but it works in this case a bit like a comma.

I see what you’re saying. We wandered and then we stayed in one place for 40 years is the implication of the semicolon.

Sure. Why argue with a master of English?

Truth forever.

Forever truth.

Here’s the thing. They are never going to teach anything about this civilization thing that you created for 40 years. We annihilated it. We destroyed it. There is nothing left of it. We have taken everything and there is nothing of your previous life for you to worry about.

In that case I understand. You do this to us. You break our spirit. You beat us down. And you say God tells you to do it. Power just for the enjoyment of power.

You know, it is genuinely good to speak with someone like you. You are rare. You are immortal you are so rare. You genuinely believe that there is good in people.

Well, it was actually a logical choice if you want to know the truth. It was an ethical decision as much as anything. It had to do with smoking. I tried smoking cigarettes when I was 16. It was something I learned from someone I was unfortunate enough to be born from. So I tried it even though I hated it with every muscle in my body. I wanted to try it to find out what it was. And I found out. It was an addictive habit that made me feel terrible unless I continued the habit. It was simply a control trigger thing, a decision that made me self-medicate. As for the medicine, I think it just relieved the symptoms of being deprived of cigarettes and nothing more. Just mindless cyclical occupation for the hands and the mouth to make one feel bold and to show distaste for the misery of life. Something like that.

We take it that this hookah is an exception.

Oh yes. My mother liked to smoke the cigarettes that they gave you when you purchased meat.

Oh. All right. So what is your point?

You see I noticed that when I smoked I had a very jaundiced view of the world. And when I didn’t smoke, I was more optimistic. I decided it had something to do with health. I was depriving myself of health by smoking and not smoking, although it was disturbing because the habit had formed, seemed really a logical choice. I speak this way but it took me six times to quit. Six times I flew back and then it took and it was gone and it became a matter of non-importance. I won’t. I don’t even pretend I like smokers or being around them. It’s simply disgusting.

You do like to ramble. What exactly are you trying to say?

What I’m trying to say is that I chose to be healthier because I didn’t want to have to be jaundiced all the time. It wasn’t that I chose not to see the filth or to understand that it was there, but if I smoked cigarettes, I was only aware of the filth. And if I did not smoke, I tended to be able to see the better side of things. I could believe that the sky is blue and that it’s a nice day weather-wise rather than stare at the ground at the filth that is human existence along a roadway. Unfit for life.

So you’re expressing through your philosophy that you truly believe we are herbivores and that what we do, what everybody is doing these days, is somehow some kind of a sadistic prank we play on ourselves? Like one big party that never ends and as long as we can raid and be savages, we can be drunk stupid idiots for eternity? Is that what you are saying?

I don’t know if God gave this to me but I had a dream. I saw people from a very cold land. There was snow everywhere but also there were big tall trees. And in the summer, life would burst forth out of the land. You couldn’t stop it. Agriculture like you will be fat forever and ever and ever. Just sew the seeds and the world will never stop being fertile for us.

Technically speaking the promised land was only 21 days away.

Perhaps. I saw a different dream. I saw a different home. I saw a home where it was cold, very cold. I saw a place where there were long quiet calm winters and summers of brief excitement to see how much food you can gather. Truly the promised land. Truly the garden everyone would want. Working in the desert is ridiculous. It’s all year around. No one can do something all year round in the desert and expect anything good to come of it. But there in the cold, we just ate and lived well. I know I’m rambling but that’s all I wanted to say.

Thank you. I know I should have great fear for you in the future. You might just think poorly of me.

It would have been nice to be acknowledged. And I wish it was more clear in the Torah that this is something new and different. I don’t like using the Torah for such purposes. It’s not right by. All of these invasions were scripted by a small number of people commanding a large number of people. The only reason they had the power to command so many people was that they had them enfeebled. They gave them every food that would cause them problems and deprived them of every food that would give them life. They never let them have a moment of peace.

Insanity. I completely agree. But, what are you going to do? Sometimes you just have to go to war. I wish I could explain it to you. It’s just business and nothing personal. Sometimes you just have to do things because it’s the way they have always been done. Get rid of the bad blood. Create new opportunities. You can’t just keep having the same old world all the time. Where is the fun in that? And besides, it’s impossible to get rich if all you do is make food because you just can only eat so much.

From your mouth to God’s ear. The entire philosophy in a nutshell. If we just made food the currency, we would never have poverty or will ever again because really, how much can you eat? I’m not talking about factory food with all of the salt and grease and sugar and all of the things they put in there to make you come back for more. I just mean clean food. I’m just talking about not being addicted anymore. I’m vegan. You guys are insane. And you’ve destroyed everything you’ve touched and the world will never be at peace because of what you’ve done. You’ve destroyed the whole world.

Well, I don’t know if I’ve destroyed it or if I like creating new markets. It seems that people can participate in a big economy. Maybe we like trade.

We had trade with our neighbors for 40 years without any government intervention. There is no necessity of government intervention in trade now. And there is no reason whatsoever to use brutality and violence and cruelty as a means of creating markets. Nothing good comes from that.

Okay how would you regulate trade?

Just let the trade do what the trade wants to do and everybody is fine. Proof in the pudding is 40 years in the desert on our own agriculture. If we needed more, we could trade for it with our neighbors and we did just fine without any taxation from anybody. Nobody needed to tell us what to do and we survived with the same number of people still here 40 years later. And that’s all. Well, This is what was before your meathead power 11th government annihilated us and destroyed us so there was no evidence that we ever existed. I suppose you want to destroy all the symbols of our God too. I suppose you want to wipe those out.

I never thought of that. We prefer your insignificance. You keep talking like you want us to fight you. I don’t know. Do you have knowledge of God?

Of course. Don’t you?

That’s not fair.

If you have a snake in the grass just let them go on about their business. They eat the mice and little insects. It’s all part of the world. By the way, let the frogs live. Let everything leave. Don’t destroy natural habitats. Let life happen.

And just like that, she was gone. She just stood up in a flourish and turned spilling her skirts in all directions and was out of the tent and back into her world. And it really was her world. 40 chariots just to go to the apothecary. 40 chariots of soldiers just to visit the apothecary.

6

Several weeks and several military victories later.

Come on, Hillel, come to the party. We’re having ribs.

I’m sure you are. Listen, let’s talk about the seeds. Which was the plant that you just put some seeds in the ground and you took care of them and let them have lots of sun and then you smoked the flowers? Maybe I should just get some seeds from you.

Seeds? What are you saying? You don’t want to come visit me anymore?

Maybe no.

Is it that bad?

I don’t like being a wartime journalist. I don’t like having to write these things. I don’t like having to keep track of the battles and how many men have died. But this leadership is the worst. They don’t care how many people died. They just count up the loot that they plundered. This is not Torah. This is not Torah.

You don’t have to repeat yourself.

Have you seen the hospitals? Have you seen the amputations? Have you seen the men who have been cut up but not enough to die? Have you seen the men that are no longer men? Have you seen the villages covered with blood? Have you seen the rapes and the lootings? Have you seen the absolute insanity? They don’t care about people. People are insignificant in their plans. They just kill everything and burn everything and destroy everything.

But we are getting rich. I’m getting rich. Nobody is touching me. My business is booming. I have 500 slaves now. We grow everything we need ourselves and the extra we export. It’s an amazing thing. I live exactly the life I have always wanted to live and I have everything as perfect as it can be. Everything I want comes to me with the snap of a finger. Why should I complain? I am a king right now.

Oh my God. This is a zombie story. My life is a zombie story. And now they’ve got him too. It’s everywhere. Oh my God. Oh my God. I’m going to become an edible piece of meat. They are going to come for me just for my flesh?

Well there’s nothing new in that. Isn’t that the way it has always been?

Yes but no but no. No! No, I’m just a farmer. We are just farmers. We are just gardeners and farmers and we made the desert bloom and we just want to go back to the garden.

Now you’re talking like the Torah scribe.

You’re right. You’re right. You remember I told you about that place I dreamed of. It was way in the north and they built for themselves a utopian society. Oh, it was very corrupt. Even though the entire concept was not to have any weight from the government, this government was merciless in how heavy they were. In the end, it is more torture and tyranny. It is ruthless and brutal and it never ends.

You have to change with the times.

I just want them to acknowledge it. For just a brief period of time, we tried to do something special. Without war or insanity, we were free to solve problems. We tried to work with an ideology outside of God. Or as perhaps some might believe, We had more belief in God because our belief was only for nature. We really tried.

Moses went to sleep and then Moses woke up.

Of course. And as soon as he did, there was the weight of an Egyptian government, just as perverse as always and as always, serves no purpose but to kill us in the end.

I get it, Hi. For 40 years we made a go of it. Our children were just like us But we taught them to be better. They were the real children of Israel.

And with one bureaucratic decision, all that we built and all that we wanted became nothing but more fodder for the meat business. The cream of our youth used for war instead of peace. It just isn’t fair.

Well, I don’t know what to say. Lachaim.

7

The following was produced instead of a news edition in the daily papyrus. The world may have changed but there was still the publication and with it, the hope that perhaps somebody would hear these words and help.

I know what you of all have heard about me but none of it is true. I have not gone crazy. I am not reclusive and I am not running away. I am not anything that anybody says I am. I am just the same person as before and I am working diligently to make sure that the truth is served. But I have to tell you this here today. I have to tell you this now more than anything. It is more important than any stories of the war or of plunder of anything. But there was something that I wrote that I didn’t even catch for a moment and it disturbed me so much. It was the truth. It was the truth of everything. It was all of our nightmares one after another and they put it in print in this new abomination they call the Torah.

your wives, your young children, and your cattle for I know that you have much cattle shall dwell in your cities which I have given you

Joshua believes he’s a carnivore. This isn’t Moses. This is this a drunken lunatic stonemason. We have to stop him. We have to stop what we are doing right now. We have to stop this abomination of life. We have to stop listening to people claiming they are telling the truth when all they are doing is spreading lies. We have to stop listening to this confusion from the government. It’s not real. None of these horrible consequences have to be real. There doesn’t need to be any war. There doesn’t need to be anything. No foreign trade, no conflict, no oil spills. There doesn’t need to be any of this.

We don’t need the meat business. We don’t need the meat. Listen to me. We don’t need to eat meat. How many times can I say it? We can live quite well without eating meat. We become smarter if we stop eating meat. We lose a lot of our nervous problems and health problems and serious discomforts from our lives when we stop eating meat. We’ve become lighter when we stop eating meat. We become kind of super people when we stop eating meat because we have this new stamina and clarity. We start making positive decisions instead of negative decisions. We get smarter. We break our chains. We lit our addictions go away. Or we dabble in them casually for a moment before sending them back out to sea.

People please, do not support these wars. In the upcoming elections, I beg of you, do not vote for war. Vote for peace. If you can’t see peace anywhere on the ballot, then write in the word that you want them to see. Tell them you are voting for peace and it is otherwise not available on the menu.

But more so than voting day, vote every day for peace. Do not use any of the goods that run the military industrial complex. Don’t use the mass produced food. Go back to gardening. Don’t worry so much about the money. Go back to gardening and keep your garden well and remember: Stop giving money to false governments. Don’t give any money to a corrupt government. Don’t eat their food. Don’t support their wars. Live free.

I know how you feel. The world is always violent. The world is always an incredibly violent place. They tell us we must be afraid. Of course we can’t just settle in and garden and grow food. Of course we must be afraid. Why are you afraid? You are afraid because the government makes you afraid. Stop eating meat and you’ll stop being afraid. Stop being a slave and become free.

Of course there is fear connected with eating dead flesh. Of course we feel the panick and hleplessness of the livestock. Of course we recognise suffering. And of course we can see that there is no difference to the leadership between animals or people.

I beg of you, the children of Israel, to listen to me. Stop eating dead flesh. Stop using animals for food. And please stop killing generally. I beg you to choose the way of peace and not the way of war.

No civilization can afford people who make a lifestyle of throwing away their responsibilities. No civilization can exist on drunken hooliganism, rape and murder. We must be better than this. This cannot be who we are. We must be better than this.