Hey, Russki!
Oh no. Oh no no no. I’m not doing this anymore. I thought we were all finished with this a long time ago. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to listen to you. Keep your opinions to yourself and let us do our war in peace.
No, I have a legitimate question for you.
There are no legitimate questions and there are no legitimate answers. You are just fucking my mind.
Maybe. But maybe this is good for you.
Just shut the fuckity fuck up. Nobody wants to listen to you or your president talk anymore.
Our president? You have a problem with our president?
Yes, your Jewish president. Nobody wants to hear from your Jewish president.
Why not?
Just shut the fuck up and leave us alone. We are taking this territory and that’s all there is to it.
Maybe you are or maybe you are not. Maybe you are willing to die for this cause or maybe you are not. Listen, you know we are all brothers. I just have one question for you.
There are no questions. I don’t need you asking me questions. I have enough to do. We are very busy here. We have our orders. We have to make our attacks. We have all of the supply lines. We have to kill a certain amount of people. This is mayhem. We are doing mayhem. Don’t be talking to me logically. It disturbs the groove.
Okay, I got it. You like hamburger. Hamburger helper. That’s you. But I have a question. Can you at least allow me to ask you a question?
You can ask but I will shoot you if I can see you.
That’s fine. We understood this even before we started. But can I please just ask you one simple question?
Just one question?
Well, if the question opens up some doors, we can follow the thought. But I have a legitimate human question. I’m trying to step away from the war for one second. I’m trying to have a simple human conversation here. I just want to ask you one human question. You could even consider it a friendly question.
I don’t believe you.
Fine, you don’t believe me. You are mentally stronger than me. Great. You win and we lose. Can I just ask my question, please?
If this is the last thing you do before we kill you, ask your bloody question.
Thank you. What are you going to do when the war ends?
That’s all? That’s all you wanted to know?
Sure. Are you a lifelong soldier or will you go home?
I think I would rather go home.
Excellent. Me too. I also don’t particularly enjoy being a soldier. Being a soldier sucks.
Okay. So what’s your point?
What is home going to be like when you get there?
What do you mean? Home is home.
Not really. You have been away for a long time. You have been other places and doing other things. You have a life. What has she been doing the whole time?
Don’t go there. Don’t even think of going there.
It’s a legitimate question. We all know who our wives are. Everyone knows because we all know everything. You know about everything just like we know about everything. You know our wives are not particularly sentimental. What are you going to do about that?
Nothing. I will be her husband. Whatever she did she did just like whatever I did I did. That’s war. We will live with it. We are Russian! This is part of our strength.
Wonderful. But do you think you could live with a woman after all of this?
What are you talking about?
She is not going to let you be dirty. You’re going to have to keep everything very clean. Will you be happy with domestication after all of this outdoorsmanship? Are you ready to follow her around the garden doing all the jobs she tells you to do? Are you ready to listen to her tell you what to do all day everyday? Are you ready for her moods? We all get to be manly man out during the time of war. Are you ready to go home to domesticity?
I never really thought about that.
By the way, how was the economic situation before the war? Would you say that you had enough money to do anything you wanted?
Not particularly.
Are you one of those soldiers who signed up because they promised money?
Well, kind of. I think I signed up for patriotism as well but it was regular money. Money was very hard before.
Do you think you will have a new economy after all of this? Do you think there will be more money flowing through your village?
I’m from the city.
Wonderful. Are you ready to go back to city life?
What do you mean?
Are you sure you will have a job? Do you know who you will be working for? Do you know if you will have a regular check? Are you ready to go in back to making your own decisions?
I can handle it. We can handle it. We are Russian.
How about the illness? What if your wife does not want your illnesses? What if your wife does not want what has happened to you in her life? You are a different person now. Do you really think you can go back to apartment life after all of this? Don’t you think you’re going to feel a little confined? What makes you think your wife will want you back? She got used to living alone a long time ago, didn’t she?
What are you trying to say?
What I’m trying to say is that you guys are fighting a hopeless war. You’re doing something that does not need to be done and ruining something that does not need to be ruined. You’re fighting a man simply because he’s Jewish and you’re killing people simply because there is nothing else for you to do. You’re doing this because you get a paycheck and it’s the only regular paycheck you get. If you’re not in the army, they would put you in jail. You have no freedom anywhere in your life. Nothing you are doing is by personal choice. And when it’s over, you have nowhere to go. Do you like your situation?
Just shut up already. I am tired of this argument. I’m tired of this war. I’m tired of the disease and the filth. I am tired of all of this. I am just sick and tired all the time and this conversation is not helping me.
I understand. We are all sick now. You guys weaponized human illness. You have brought this sickness unto yourselves and to us and to everybody basically. I hope you’re proud of that.
Fine. But what about you? You are also a soldier. You also live out here in the shit. You are also now a killer and you are also sick. How do you go home afterwards?
We are Ukrainian. This is our home. We never left.
Well now this is our home too. Just as it has always been and just as it always will be.
I understand, Russki. It is exactly just as it has always been and probably always will be.
