Here is a message to everyone who plays baseball who might someday be asked to perform a sacrifice. I’m not talking about giving up your girlfriend for the season. I’m talking about giving away an out in the hope that something wonderful will happen. Basically playing for one run. Bunting is the best of this. It is simply laying the ball down in the dirt to die.
I was watching the Bay Stars game today. A Titanic tussle with the Tigers. 3-3 and all we have to do is move the runners on first and second over to second and third. The play is to bunt. In a minute, I’m going to try and discuss alternative strategies that are also similar to sacrificing but actually have more relevant value. This is of course if and only if your team learns how to hit. I’m not talking about the beautiful samurai swing. I’m talking about hitting a baseball.
Or bunting. Here are the basic principles. Number one, if you are right-handed you can hold the bat a bit choked up in your left hand. This is the lower hand if we are talking about leftists. Your upper hand is placed into a situation like you are grabbing someone’s chin. You hold the bat with this sort of figure very softly. What you don’t do is wrap your hand around the bat. The reason you hold your bat with a pinch is so you don’t break your fingers on a wild pitch. Get it?
Secondly, don’t waggle a bunt. A bunt is not movement oriented. A bunt is a termination of flavor. A bunt is where the ball just lies down on the field to be picked up by some hysterical fielder. We’re not at the disco. We can’t look cool. And if you’re thinking that the movement means that you might pull it back and take a swing, just sit there and wait for the ball to come. Why? Like Barry Bonds said about all hitting, your job is to catch the ball with the bat. Don’t jab at it, disco boy. Catch it, get it?
Now because the ball is traveling at some reasonable velocity and you’re holding a chunk of wood in your hand, making a reasonable deflection is not a big deal. Just be still and follow the arc of the ball. I mean, if you even want to learn how to hit baseballs, please teach your children to bunt so that they can watch the flight of the ball without worrying about the swing.
But essentially this is a deflection. It’s not a swing. You’re not looking for a line drive or an epic home run into the cheap seats. You’re just looking for contact and you have no other body movements to bother yourself with. So just tilt the bat to the angle you wish the ball to go, try and be a little billiardy about it and be rational about the potential angle and then just play the carum.
Keep in mind what hand the pitcher and the catcher throw with. A lefty pitcher doesn’t want to go to the third base side and neither does the catcher want to run down the line and throw against his body. This is also true about third baseman who have to come all the way in on a run. Right handed pitchers take some of the luster off this novelty but keep it in mind.
Okay, now let’s talk about one step above a bunt. Let’s go Ty Cobb. Do you like that split grip? You tell me what it’s there for. That’s right, he can bunt, he can drop his upper hand and take a big cut or he can bring the lower hand up and swing with a short stick. What is it when you hit a ball with a short stick? Ask Pete Rose. I think you get a lot of singles or at least put the ball over the infield and before the outfield, right?
Here is what else you can do. You can hit and run. Hit and run is simply that you’re going to hit the ball no matter where it is. Usually, a hit and run requires an infield grounder to the right side. Mr Miyazaki just got paid for missing a hit and run a week ago. Please tell me he’s okay. Miyazaki got hit in the head on a bad hop on that bloody artificial infield. How do you get a bad hop on an artificial infield? Anyway, they had to take him off on a stretcher. Be well.
But you hit the ball to the right side because generally speaking, there is a man on first. He’s the run of the hit and run and the reason is that the first basement is right next to him. If you coordinate a hit and run, it means the runner goes with the pitch 100% and the batter’s job is simply to try and hit that hole on the right side. If you go through, you’re doing a lot better than a butt because now your guy is on third or even scoring.
I think all I’m trying to say is that there is a lot of weird entertaining going on in modern baseball. At least in Japan. I think people need to stop being on camera. I think you should forget that the cameras are on you and they talk about you mercifulessly. It is repulsive to listen to Japanese commentators when you actually start getting the gist of the language. Pure brutality. Truly merciless. My neighbors should go to Japan if it’s that bad. No wonder every Gaijun looks like he hasn’t taken a shit since arriving in Japan.
Boys, what I’m saying is it baseball is game. Even at the absolute limits of human brutality that is to be a part of the Bay Stars organization, you really should try it and remember that it’s a kids game and it’s for the thrills that happen. Just relax just a little bit and try to have fun. But also, be effective while you’re enjoying the game. Or even better, I understand the world is fucked but you know, the art of Zen has something to do with the practice of perfection. I think that perfection is inside of you and not the image that you make for other people. If you play a sport professionally, it means you are good enough for people to watch you. Please stop being watched and just do your job perfectly. Relax. Find your center. Find a place where you are comfortable and then just do your job. Mercilessly but beautifully.
And maybe with love instead of hate. Try going vegan. Maybe it would help. It’s probably really good for a head wound too, Toshi.
And to everyone else, and I’m talking to everyone who is not waging war or enjoying its existence, to all of my perpetually traumatized peaceful friends with whom I suffer, Good job and good Shabbos.
