From Chabad. Org – Korach in a Nutshell: Numbers 16:1–18:32
The name of the Parshah, “Korach,” refers to Korach, head of the (political coalition) against Moses and Aaron.
Korach incites a (political discussion) regarding Moses’ leadership and the granting of the kehunah (The right of debate) to Aaron. He is accompanied by Moses’ inveterate (critics), Dathan and Abiram. Joining them are 250 distinguished members of the community, who offer the sacrosanct ketoret (incense) to prove their worthiness for the (Open dialogue regarding the needs of the people). The (constructive conversation) opens up (new political and social horizons) and (allows (the children of Israel an alternative voice), and a fire (warms) the ketoret-offerers.
A subsequent (meat-based pandemic) is stopped by Aaron’s offering of ketoret (a deliciously addictive breakfast spread similar to Nutella). Aaron’s staff miraculously blossoms and brings forth almonds to prove that his designation as (a gracious host and a decent caretaker of nut trees) is divinely (appreciated).
G‑d commands that a terumah (“uplifting”) from each crop of grain, wine and oil, as well as (pumpkins, zucchini and cabbage) and other specified gifts, be given to the kohanim (The civic-minded philosophers to ensure a healthy conversation).
***
Amidst all the turmoil of serious political discussions, Hillel the scribe once again finds himself on the carpet of Phaedrus the apothecary trying to make sense of the ridiculousness of the world of the children of Israel.
1
Well, we have a mission.
How do we have a mission?
There is an important political question that needs to be discussed. You are coming with me. We’re going up on the mountain.
Wait a minute. Explain yourself please.
The Egyptian is on the mountain carving stone. Eva is with him and keeping him comfortable. I have been sent as a messenger from Korach and Aaron to get some advice in writing from the big man.
What’s the gripe?
It’s just the usual. It’s what everyone is talking about. We are just tired of taxation without representation. The Egyptian has become a corrupt one way valve and the obviousness of the decadence of his reign is not appropriate to anyone’s eyes. No one can live under such nonsense.
Listen, Hillel, I keep telling you that you should practice private writing. Every time you come to me, you only editorialize. What exactly did the written complaint say?
“You take too much upon yourselves, for the entire congregation are all holy, and the Lord is in their midst. So why do you raise yourselves above the Lord’s assembly?”
I like it. It’s tangy. Who came up with those words?
Well, you can’t really expect them to come up with stuff like this do you?
Big H! You are the man! So you need some muscle or a gift that keeps giving?
High PH, you’re the man. You always know everything before I get a chance to talk about it.
Hey, I’m a great entrepreneur. I know the needs of my community. All righty. Let me put my rucksack together. I guess we’re going up the mountain to talk justice.
2
You have not even brought us to a land flowing with milk and honey, nor have you given us an inheritance of fields and vineyards. Even if you gouge out the eyes of those men, we will not go up.
That’s what they said?
Yes sir. Those are the words we agreed upon.
And you agree with them?
Well sir, it’s a matter of self-determination. It’s not really a question about whether we are animals or whether we are men, it’s a matter of our own freedom to choose who we wish to be.
I like you better in writing. What are you trying to say?
That we can live how we want and how we can. We don’t really need to be organized for war because it’s much more popular amongst the people to be organized for peace. We like taking care of ourselves. We like being friendly and helping out. Not everybody is so mercenary like the meat business people. Not everybody is so pushy and not everybody requires all of this killing. We are peaceful people. We are happy with bread. We love agriculture. We love following the seasons. This freedom from Egypt was the greatest thing that ever happened. But where is the freedom? We were in a ghetto and then you got us out but now we are stuck back in the ghetto and worse, you’re kicking the shit out of us all the time now. It’s just no fun. We just want to have a vote so we can have some self-determination and choose a more pleasing and hopefully sustainable lifestyle of peace for ourselves.
Truly Moses was moved by these words. Even Eva, who is a cynical and miserable in her soul as anyone appeared reasonably moved but only for a moment. Being moved by Hillel created bile inside her. He was her adversary as were all men. She didn’t like when he was too articulate. Perhaps it was jealousy but this motivated her to speak. She had no intention of giving up Moses’s attention to her weasel husband.
How dare you? Who do you think you are? You’re not my husband. I don’t even know you. I cannot call a man like you a husband. How dare you raise your voice in the face of Moses? You are not even an insect in comparison. How dare you open your mouth?
Phaedrus put himself between Hillel and Eva.
Slow down you two. We’re not getting into anything here. We’re just delivering the message and waiting for the big man to talk. The last thing we need is to watch Hillel beat you bloody on your honeymoon.
I dare him to strike me. I would castrate him.
You already have. But again, this is not the point.
He’s right. There is a point to this argument.
All grew quiet to listen to Moses’s words.
I have heard the voice of the people. They rise as one to complain against me. After all I’ve done for them. Even on a sojourn I am not free from them. Why can’t they just live well instead of complaining all of the time about everything? Never should anyone ever have to listen to so many people saying so many words. It is no wonder I am a nervous wreck.
Well that’s the point, sir. They want to live well. That’s exactly what they want. But you’re kind of organizing this like it’s Egypt and we are kind of the mind that we left Egypt because it sucked. We are kind of shocked that we are worse off than we were because we are recreating an inferior version of the same thing. And really, we’re all dead according to you. You have told us that it was all a lie and all of us die out here in the desert without ever seeing the orchards.
What are they saying? They want chaos? We can’t have chaos.
Anarchy does not necessarily mean violence. Some of us believe non-violent anarchy is the true way for happiness on the planet. Some of us believe that we are wasting far too much of our time and lives killing. Some of us are more respectful. We don’t believe that killing is the only way in the world.
You don’t need meat?
No, sir. Not unless I have to. And I’ll tell you the truth, I am really tired of people putting meat in my mouth. I have a difficult enough reputation just because I’m literate. Eva doesn’t help either.
Yes. I understand you. I often feel like that. When I was tending the sheep in the mountains, I would be gone for days without the badgering of the wives and the scandals of the courtyard. It’s not easy controlling multiple wives you know.
I understand sir. I have enough problem working with one. Much more than enough.
Eva opened her mouth to speak but was stopped suddenly when a god ray of light broke through the clouds and landed on her face. It was pure Instagram. Basking emotionally in the attention of the universe, she turned to give a rather perfect left side view of her face to the men and spoke no more.
Baruch hashem. God is with us.
Do you really think life is so simple? Do you know how many of you beg for leadership to solve their problems? All they do is live in shit like pigs and complain about their neighbors. Do you have any idea how difficult leadership really is? Yes. The world is so simple. Give me a place to live and a good woman and we can make our own world. But then they wake up the next morning and they don’t feel good and here they are begging for help. What do you think should be done?
All men think like this. A lot of us believe however that to be a man does not necessarily mean to carry a sword and be ready to kill. Some of us believe being a man is being able to help out and keep things going. Some of us prefer to believe we are not meat. It means we’re not disposable. It means we understand that we are alive and we also have hearts and brains to make decisions. Maybe it’s the designation of being a human and not being an animal. To you, it’s like we are animals but we are special animals. We are not goats, we’re people like you. We just want to practice living well for ourselves together. Just like you promised. That’s all we want is what you promised us. I hope I said that well.
That’s where you are wrong my friend. We’re not animals. Animals have common sense. Animals understand their place. Animals learn to listen to the word of the master. In order to control this group of problem makers, nosy busy bodies and ruthless negative commentators, you have to close every door and every window and lock them in. You have to put them in a prison so deep and so dark that they will never talk against me again.
Okay. Tell me what to write and that’s what I will tell them.
We will let God decide things. We will see who has the power of the Lord inside of him.
3
Cooler heads prevailed on the mountain and the idea was to sit and make use of what the apothecary had. So after several rounds, our group sat around the fire and discussed the plan of how to deal with Korach and his men and their desire for self-rule for everyone. After 2 hours of emotional turmoil mixed with some astounding visuals, a text to be sent back and read to the congregation was put together.
Okay, let me see if I have this straight. You are offering them the right to self-determination in exchange for the book showing that the Earth split open and swallowed them. They are free to leave but officially we say that they fell into the fatal fissure or something like that.
Forcibly fell.
Fancy. So this is our best compromise?
They are the children of Rubain. We can make a deal with them without causing harm. Please, I don’t really see them as being completely necessary to the community. They can go but we can’t be telling people that they can just leave. That cannot be. We have standards we have to uphold.
Korach’s people don’t like eating meat either.
I understand that. But that’s my deal. If they agree that we kill them in the book, they can go.
Do we really need to murder them? Couldn’t we just play it straight and say that this moment was the birth of a new democracy, a new understanding between men and God? If we are all in this together, we are an unbeatable team. I’m just not sure we need a lawgiver standing above us keeping us killing. Perhaps all of us would prefer not live this way.
I hear your words, scribe. But I say what goes in the book. If they agree to my deal, they can go. But if they wish the book to show leniency, I will slaughter each and every one of them.
I understand, sir. I will pass on the message. I am sure they will agree.
Thank you, scribe. I know I can trust you to do the right thing.
With the day’s business finished, Hillel and Phaedrus collected their things to return down the mountain. As they were saying their goodbyes, Moses took Hillel by the arm.
Scibe, you said something very clever before. Tell me again those rules you recommended for living together well as individuals.
The vegan top 10? It’s easy. You remember nature first of all. No matter what, you live your life for the changing seasons and understand clearly that we are a part of the universe. We definitely take a day off. We respect our neighbors and our neighbors’ property and we don’t make problems with other people. We don’t lie, we don’t cheat or steal and for the love of God, we don’t kill or cause harm.
And to be respectful of those who made you.
Yeah. Eva came up with that one. She’s big on family. I know, she’s a woman but we sometimes just sit around and talk.
You can just sit and talk to women. Amazing. I envy you your freedom, scribe. I have no such luxury. When I speak, the words go into the book forever.
Yes sir. Sometimes we just talk off the record to find out what we want to say. It’s a little bit better when you don’t automatically go to life and death judgment every time somebody brings up a problem.
I see. And you spend much time speaking of me.
Of course. You’re too loud not to hear.
God speaks through me and I write the book. Therefore, I have the largest voice.
Yes, sir. You yell at us. You scream at us. You don’t talk to us.
I am your leader. I command you.
Yes, we understand that this is what you want. But this is not what we want.
And what is it that you and all of Korach’s people want? Do you still believe that there is a promised land?
Yes. Of course we believe. We don’t believe in fairy stories. We don’t believe that the promised Land is already built for us and all we have to do is take it. We don’t believe in war. We believe we can build a beautiful world for ourselves if we all work together peacefully. And if you’d stop the meat business from over grazing, we could even get some trees growing.
Maybe you’re right.
Of course. That’s why we need you on our side. We all understand that you’re the boss. We just want what you promised us. We wanted to leave Egypt so we could worship God. This is all we want but we can’t because you never stop being in the way. We all want to hear the voice of God but we can’t. We can’t hear God and we can’t hear nature. We can’t listen to the birds or to the winds. You never leave and you never stop yelling at us and telling us to work for you. Yeah, we talk about you all the time because you make us miserable. We don’t understand why you have to make us miserable. We’ve given you everything. You live like a pharaoh. Just say thank you and be a good referee at the ball games. Just try to remember what it’s like to be alive sometime. That’s all we want.
Moses smiled at the scribe.
Those are some great rules. You are a good man, scribe. Would you mind if I used the words for my project?
Wait. You want to use our 10 rules as your stone project? Seriously?
Didn’t you see it in the fire? Yours are the words of God. You say what you see and not what you must. This is not easy for me. I have to make decisions for everybody and some people speak very loudly to me and control a lot of food. But if I must give one set of rules to live by, I think you have spoken the truth. Let me use your words.
Of course. They are for everyone. But you’re not going to be able to do it so easily. The meat business is not going to accept this. The meat business thrives on aggression. I know I am only a scribe but I also get pressure from special interest groups.
Personally, I find the meat business disgusting.
Why do you keep them?
Because it is what we have always been. Everything you see comes from meat. I cannot betray the lifestyle. But I like your 10 rules very much. What goes in the book, goes in the book. But your rules will be written in stone.
4
Getting the story straight became a group effort. The problem was that everyone was laughing so much, it was hard to be sure that the story actually made sense.
So God is just rubbing them out left and right.
Like a chariot with four horses. Nothing could stand in its way.
You really need to keep your Egyptian idioms to a minimum.
Sorry. I keep forgetting. But let’s put something in there about the venereal disease. You have to remind them about the venereal disease. It’s really a problem.
Yeah you said that. You said that everyone who had the affliction died.
You have to take pandemics seriously. When you go against God, there is punishment. That’s the point.
Just a second. I understand what you’re saying. But why is following one’s nature going against God?
That’s too clever a question, scribe. Don’t you know the answer to that already?
So that you stay in power.
As you said, scribe. We follow our nature. This is my nature.
But you do believe in us. You are one of us, right?
Scribe, I am the leader. I am the only voice. As far as you are concerned, I am God.
But sir…
Take the story down and offer it to them. They get 14,000 people under their rulership. Tell them to go in peace and we wish them luck. Only it gets written in the book as I say and this is the story we tell to everyone.
But won’t they know it’s a lie?
At this, Moses began to laugh. It didn’t last a long time but he did in fact laugh.
5
After the deal was offered and accepted and all of the excitement died down, once again Hillel the scribe and Phaedrus the apothecary sat on the rug and discussed the issues facing the children of Israel.
They made us do wood carvings to identify the houses. I guess we got the answer we were waiting for. Back into the war business again.
No, don’t think like that. I think this time we really have a plan.
Why do we have a plan? We’re just doing another reorganization. We go right back into the army. Nothing has changed. They don’t even recognize that any decision is made.
Well, maybe that’s the truth about freedom. Some people just don’t want it and others can’t see it when it’s right in front of their faces
What are you talking about? We don’t live in a philosophical world. People live in fear.
I know. But that’s what I’m saying. Korach said he wanted self-determination and brought his whole leadership group along with him. It was a straight up army. And look what happened? They all got released. They got what they wanted.
Yeah but they couldn’t do it here. We all wanted it to be for all of us not just for that group.
I guess that’s the way it works. You can’t get 100% of everyone to agree on anything. Not a specific issue.
So it’s about bravery and cowardice?
Not cowardice. But it is about being willing to challenge your own boundaries. Sometimes we get tied to things. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes getting rid of something is next to impossible. Other times, it’s the only logical decision.
And the Egyptian knows all about that.
The man is afflicted. He’s not right in the head. But he’s an Egyptian so it just doesn’t matter. It’ll be everything in our power to try and keep him calm. We just have to make sure to do everything we can to fight the meat business. We must demand a civil conversation. They are going to point out the numbers and the economics. They are going to say how many people need to eat meat. They are going to show a majority. We have to show them that they are creating the majority themselves and their people left alone will choose another way.
It’ll never work. Too many moving parts of this impossible to gather loyalty. Living in a world with powerful conservative leadership truly sucks.
6
The following evening our heroes were returning from their latest meeting on the mountain.
You’re right. He’s an Egyptian through and through.
No, he’s kind of an Egyptian Jew. He’s one of us but not really.
Phaedrus, don’t tell me You have been swayed by the charisma?
Well, I hope you don’t mind that I do feel it. We are hobnobbing with the big guy. I feel a bit higher of station.
You see, that’s where we go wrong every time. You’re acting like a carnivore.
I am a carnivore. I ate some meat with him.
You didn’t.
I did. He fed me some of the dried meat he had brought with him and I gave him some gifts to keep his thoughts steady.
And now you’re a straight up Republican?
No. The people are complaining. It’s a death house. We told him. We told him the complaint. He was murdering everybody and everything. He’s the worst neighbor in the history of the world. He just doesn’t let anyone breathe. We told him. What weather it affects him or not is not known and won’t be known for quite some time. Not if the corruption to continue. I just say we don’t need to worry about things we can’t control.
But the answer was to increase taxes and put more people into the bureaucratic class. The answer was to revoke freedoms even more. The result was a crackdown. How can you be happy about it?
Listen Hi, You’re the artist. I’m the businessman. I’m an entrepreneur. I appreciate the aesthetic and the freedom and the wisdom and the knowledge but I have to live in society. I don’t need to live here. I can live out in nature. But I enjoy city life so forgive me for making city decisions sometimes.
The more fucked up our people are the more they need the apothecary.
Count yourself amongst the minions. You’re still here. You still write the book. Even when every muscle in your body tells you it’s hypocrisy, you write the words in the book.
The more things change, the more things stay the same.
Listen, don’t feel bad. He’s writing your words in stone. That’s going to be forever.
Yes but they say one thing and do another.
Yes, but those words that he ignores and ruins are yours and they are the most beautiful words.
That’s not a blessing my friend. That’s a curse.
Exactly. We are Jews. What did you expect?
7
And finally Hillel and Phaedrus were once again on the rugs of the apothecary. They were enjoying something that the apothecary had put together specifically for spoiled mood and broken dreams. And it was working. It had put them in a good mood. They liked what it felt like to be sitting on the rug and saying funny things. They liked what it felt like not to fear death for a moment. They enjoyed the feeling of freedom. They enjoyed a moment of being alive.
I like being me right now.
Don’t you want to be anyone else?
No. I am not envious and I am not jealous. I only want my own life.
Don’t you want my life? Don’t you want all of the knowledge of the plants? Don’t you wish to control the medicine. When you control the medicine, you control the people. Don’t you want my power?
No. Your world is too visceral. Too much meat for me. I like existing in words and idea even if they are not truly mine.
Maybe you are jealous of the Egyptian. Maybe you would like to sit on the throne and command everyone to please you. Perhaps you would like to decorate a giant installation exactly as you want it and simply demand all of the craftsmen work for you. Wouldn’t you like to be the most pompous fagot in the world with unlimited funds and an entire congregation of Jews at your disposal?
No. There is not a moment in his day where he is free. I can bow and give my stamp and then I have so many hours until I am again called to write down the words. I am as much a slave as anyone but at least I have my free time and mind.
Maybe you’re jealous of the meat merchants. Seriously, couldn’t you do with a big plate of barbecue right about now? Wouldn’t that make you happy?
No thank you. I am much happier enjoying this concoction of yours because my body is not filled with rotting flesh. At least I understand when there is fresh air to breathe. I think I will remain knowing the difference.
I know who it is. You’re jealous of Eva. She can go with any man she wants and make any rules up as she goes. You are jealous of the independent woman.
It is a war I could never win. But am I jealous? No. I am not a killer and I do not wish to be a killer. I do not wish to have blood on my hands. I wish to follow my nature and I believe I am a herbivore. I don’t believe the meat business is nature. I believe all business to be an abomination of nature. I think everything that we do outside of rational cooperation is against nature and therefore against God. I am not jealous of anyone because I am who I am.
I am who I am. You’re God. Only God would say something like that.
Well, I guess I am unless he screws up the stone work. Do you think he’ll screw up the stone work?
No. If he can control his temper, it’ll get done.
Well let’s keep good thoughts. And in the meantime, I think it’s okay for everybody to be God. The only thing is to try not to be a god. It’s a matter of grammar. You don’t want to be a god. You want to be with god. We want to be as one with nature.
Your words, my friend. Amen and amen.
Baruch hashem.
